You Can't Make This Stuff Up Dept.

I’m beginning to think this will become a regular feature.

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1. Fashion?

From my Vietnamese-American sweetie Duyen comes the following:

Duyen: What do you think of those beauties?
FWP: Jesus H. Christ and His All-Girl Orchestra! Please tell me you didn’t just buy a pair of those.

Duyen: Relax, Flashy. I haven’t completely lost my mind. I just thought you’d get a giggle out of them. Only $114.99 per pair at Heels.com.
FWP: What imaginable outfit would go with those?

Duyen: No idea. But this is what passes for innovation in fashion today.
FWP: We’re doomed, aren’t we?
Duyen: Looks that way.

Duyen is a fashion marketing consultant. Her clients pay her gigunda bucks to stay on top of the trends. There are times I pity her.

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2. Horse Or Cart?

From Your Tango comes this bit of...research:

Like to keep your work and personal life separate? Well, the two may be more connected than you thought. There's a new discovery about how your job is affecting your sex life — and it's a positive one.

According to new research from the Institute for the Study of Labor in Germany, employees who have sex more than four times a week make 5 percent more than those who have less active sex lives.

The study looked at 7,500 Greek households and analyzed how many times respondents had sex per week, whether they were employed and how much they made. The link between sex and salary was highest among people between the ages 26 and 50.

Now wait just a minute! Let’s leave aside the quips about correlation versus causation. I want to know in which direction the causal vector points. Also:

• If prosperity causes increased sex, how much more would I have to make to get it every night? And would I have any discretion about that? I’m getting pretty old, y’know.
• If sex causes increased prosperity, what is the ratio between incremental sex acts per unit time and one’s annual raise percentage? I mean, my poor wife...
• Finally, does this include all behavior designated as “sex,” or is it confined to conventional sexual intercourse? It was a survey of Greek families, after all.

Nothing irritates me quite as much as these incompetent popularizations of important discoveries.

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3. What’s Wrong With This Picture?

Just yesterday I received the following in a promotional email from Amazon:

Words fail me. Yes, yes, I have railed loudly and publicly about the dearth of good science fiction being written today, but is Amazon really suggesting that the remedy is to buy and read my own books? Don’t get me wrong, now: I do like my own writing, but I’m already familiar with the tome, and besides, it’s a trilogy’s middle volume.

Oh, wait: a little later in the same email:

I suppose that covers it.

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Have a nice weekend, Gentle Readers. I expect to be away from the keyboard until Monday. Lawns, real estate, and assorted occupational travails impend. Pray for me.

All my best,
Fran