This one just took place.
FWP: (answers phone) Hello?
Miscellaneous Telephone Solicitor: Hello, Bruno?
FWP: That’s Mr. Da Newf, if you please.
MTS: Oh, sorry. May I have a moment of your time to tell you about [a worthy cause]?
FWP: That would depend on its worthiness. Is it a charity?
MTS: No, it’s research into [name of disease omitted in the name of fairness].
FWP: Ah. I see. Is this research funded entirely by the contributions of persons such as myself?
MTS: Yes, and—
FWP: And are the researchers aware of that?
MTS: Yes, and they’re very grate—
FWP: Has their research resulted in any significant progress against this disease?
MTS: Well, no, but—
FWP: Has it occurred to you that the researchers are aware that, should they succeed in developing a cure, the funding for their efforts would immediately screech to a halt?
MTS: You know, that hadn’t occurred to me, but—
FWP: Your earnings as a telephone agent soliciting contributions to support this research would come to a halt as well, wouldn’t they?
MTS: Well, yes.
FWP: Have a nice day. (disconnects)
I hope my Gentle Readers are under no illusions about my being a “nice person.”
No illusions at all. Sometimes, out of spite, I'll listen to their entire spiel and then ask "please wait while I hunt down my checkbook...".
ReplyDelete1) Good person? Most definitely.
ReplyDelete2) Nice? Not required for #1.
3) Amusing? Frequently requires suspension of #2.
As good as your response was, my nomination for best way to deal with telemarketers is:
http://gizmodo.com/todays-hero-made-an-ai-that-annoys-telemarketers-for-as-1756344562
I remember thinking this when the March of Dimes(to find a cure for polio, remember?) morphed into "finding a cure for birth defects". Like that is even possible...
ReplyDelete