You Can't Make This Stuff Up Dept.

1. Errare Humanum Est.

From the "No commentary required" section:

Women across the nation went into weeping hysterics at that.

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2. Remedial education probably won't help.

A certain amount of intelligence is required by any "indoor" occupation... including grand larceny:

22-year-old Derrick Mosley reportedly attempted to rob Discount Gun Sales in Beaverton, Ore., on Thursday. Wielding a baseball bat, Mosley strolled into the store and smashed a display case.

But, according to police, upon attempting to steal a gun from the smashed case, he learned that gun beats bat.

All the store manager… of a gun store… had to do was pull out his own personal firearm. And that he did. Pointing it straight at Mosley, the manager successfully ordered the would-be robber to drop the bat, the unloaded gun he was trying to steal, and a nine-inch knife in his possession.

Upon arrival, the sheriff’s department reportedly found Mosley on the floor, still being held at gunpoint by the furious manager.

Do you think Mr. Mosley has a high-school diploma? I'd bet on it, myself.

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3. Having trouble staying awake at night?

Doug Ross has something that will keep you awake:

There are some things you can't un-see, no matter how desperately you might wish to.

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4. The "hobgoblin of small minds."

Consistency and the Obama Administration aren't even acquainted:

CONCORD -- Earlier this year, Contra Costa County won the right to run a health care call center, where workers will answer questions to help implement the president's Affordable Care Act. Area politicians called the 200-plus jobs it would bring to the region an economic coup.

Now, with two months to go before the Concord operation opens to serve the public, information has surfaced that about half the jobs are part-time, with no health benefits -- a stinging disappointment to workers and local politicians who believed the positions would be full-time.

The Contra Costa County supervisor whose district includes the call center called the whole hiring process -- which attracted about 7,000 applicants -- a "comedy of errors."

Shall we have a chorus of derisive, braying laughter?

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5. For the ladies...

...an inducement to just a wee bit more exercise?

We are always being told to incorporate more exercise into our daily routines - and cycling to work is an excellent way of doing so.

And if you were reluctant to hit the pedals before, a new gizmo could provide all the incentive you need to get on your bike.

A firm has launched the Happy Ride - a vibrating seat cover that will make journeys by bicycle that bit more exciting.

The inconspicuous gadget slips over the seat of a bike and incorporates 'vibration stimulation’ as you ride.

Manufactured with a padded lining and black nylon fabric outer surface the cover, which houses a powerful vibrator, is designed to fit all seats.

I thought that sort of thing was the exclusive province of the Japanese.

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6. To those who wrote to ask about this post:

Yes, she has boobs.
No, she's not really an assassin...as far as I know.

Have a nice day.