Showing posts with label Christmas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Christmas. Show all posts

Friday, December 25, 2020

Names

     [I wrote this many years ago, and from Christmas to Christmas I’ve posted it, here at Liberty’s Torch or at Eternity Road of fond memory. It remains my favorite Christmas tale – after the one in the Gospel According to Luke, of course! -- FWP]


     Census has always been an irritant. There are many -- I am one -- who feel it to be intrusive, however necessary it might be. And the costs, both to the government and to the individuals it enumerates, should not be discounted.
     I have the trust of certain highly placed persons. Because of my reputation for thoroughness and integrity, at the outset of the last two censuses, the tetrarch has assigned me the supervision of a district. I took advantage of this to tell him of the grumblings the census causes. On the first occasion he assured me that the complaints I heard were the braying of asses, nothing more. Census had never caused a revolt and would cause none. This last time he was slower to respond.
     On my way back to Jerusalem with my tallies, I decided to take lodging at a country inn rather than travel through the night. The proprietors knew me from previous encounters. Well that it was so, for there was only one room left and a goodly throng clamoring for it. I tried to be unobtrusive about securing it for myself, but a few noticed and protested as vigorously as their fatigue would allow. To avert the disturbance, I slipped out of the common room as quickly and quietly as I could. When I'd divested myself of my bags, I descended the back stairs to wander the hills until my mind had quieted enough to allow me to sleep.
     A census marshal has absolute authority over the procedures to be used in his district. Knowing the popular sentiment, I took the inconveniences upon myself. I went from town to town, consulting with local magistrates and figures of prominence, and took the count without requiring anything of the people save their names.
     The local officials were always glad to see me go. What would be required of them and their neighbors afterward, of course, was money. Census is always about money: how many folk there are, and how prosperous, and what levy can be exacted of them without provoking an insurrection.
     By the size and surliness of the throng on the roads that day, and at the inn, I knew I was passing through a district whose marshal was not so kindly disposed. As the law permitted, he'd ordered the people to come to him. He'd imposed enormous discomfort upon every man of that region, rather than burden himself with the dust and expense of my sort of circuit.
     It was not a happy place.
     In passing through a crowd, I am forever speculating. Which among these, I ask myself, is known to his neighbors as a person of substance? Which is reviled for his indulgences, or held in contempt for his dissolution? Which among them is known outside his village, and why? Which of them will become known? Which of them, by dint of deeds mighty or monstrous, will climb to stand on the shoulders of history? Which will change our world?
     Usually it's a way of passing the dreary times, no more.
     The day had provided me with copious fodder. There was an old man in a dirty samite robe, stooped nearly double from years of toil, who leaned so heavily upon his staff as he walked that I feared it might break beneath him. Yet when his wife addressed him in a manner he disapproved, he straightened like a spring suddenly unbound and struck her across the face with that same staff, to send her to the ground bleeding and blubbering. There was a merchant, a large, solid man in a rich cloak of gabardine, who intervened uninvited in a loud dispute between a traveler and a street peddler, to counsel them to moderation. They turned their wrath from one another to him, hurling the foulest of epithets into his face until he left them to resume their profitless quarrel. There was a tall youth of perhaps twenty, with a face of chiselled perfection and a body like unto the Greeks' statues of their gods. He strode smiling through the world as if he owned everything in it, and all marveled at his beauty as he passed. Yet when a raddled old harlot beckoned to him in terms too vulgar even to think them onto this page, he did not respond with derision or scorn. He stopped and went to her, spoke to her softly, pressed a coin into her hand, and passed on.
     Of which of these would I hear again? Any? None?
     Even if it should happen, I would not know. I did not know their names. My acquaintance with names was a professional one, confined to the tallies I carried in my saddlebags.
     The Sun had dropped below the horizon, and the hills were growing cold. The traffic on the road to the city had dwindled to nothing. Outside the inn, the stragglers for whom there was no accommodation crouched and huddled against its southern wall, making what provisions they could for a night of unplanned exposure. In the near distance a shepherd surrendered his staff to his son and trudged back to his hovel for an evening meal.
     Movers? Shakers? Doers of mighty deeds? Icons of superlative virtue or courage?
     Not likely.
     Even those acclaimed as such by the world often struck me as persons elevated to their stations by blind chance, rather than merit. One night, deep in his cups, a patrician of my acquaintance admitted as much to me. He called his chamberlain a more able man by far. In a better world, he allowed, their positions would have been reversed. I agreed, though I forebore to say so.
     I passed no judgments. I was no mover nor shaker. I was a functionary, an industrious keeper of tablets with a gift for inspiring confidence in those of higher station, nothing more. No deed of mine would disturb the world's slumbers. My name would not be recorded in an annal of greatness nor praised from a tall tower.
     There was some comfort in it.
     The night grew cold. The clouds receded from the southern sky, and the stars brought their pale glory to that humblest of places. I headed back to the inn, with no thoughts but of a mug of mead and an early bed.
     A faint commotion arose as I passed the stables. The doors were closed, of course, but human sounds issued from within. I stopped and laid my ear against the wind-worn wood. A woman was panting with increasing urgency. A male voice murmured repeated exhortations to courage.
     It climaxed with a great cry, followed by a lesser one: the unmistakable wail of a newborn child. The tallies for that district would be augmented by one.
     One what? Shepherd? Peddler? Laborer? Surely not a rich merchant, whose hands would flow with gold and whose path would be strewn with obsequies lifelong. Surely not a prince of the realm, whose stern gaze and unblinking eye would strike fear into lesser men and command them to instant obedience. Not a mover nor a shaker. Such were not born in stables.
     I swung back the stable door and slipped inside. No one noticed.
     There were only the three: man, woman, and child. A single frail candle burned against the back wall of the stable, casting their silhouettes at me like inverted shadows. The woman had wrapped the baby in a loose cocoon of white muslin, leaving only its head exposed, and was laying it in the feed-trough that stood between the rows of stalls. She straightened, stepped back, and wordlessly collapsed into the man's arms.
     Around the little tableau, the horses were silent.
     I stepped forward, started to address the couple, and stopped. He cradled her in his lap, his arms tight about her, his face ablaze with uxorious devotion. Her eyes, large and luminous, were fixed upon her new child.
     It took all my strength to produce a voice. "Do you... require anything?"
     Her gaze remained locked upon her child. He assessed me with a glance and nodded with a certainty I could not help but envy.
     "Some water, perhaps."
     I nodded and started for the inn, but something held me. I bent to the feed-trough, pulled the muslin back from the tiny face and looked into it, not knowing why or what I hoped to see.
     The baby's eyes were open.
     The eyes of the newborn are never open.
     They were large, and dark, yet filled with the light of a million stars, and more knowledge than I had seen in the eyes of any man, high or low. They held recognition and regal acceptance.
     I know you for what you are, that infant gaze said. Without knowing, you have sought me, and now I have come for you, and for all those like you. The humble and the just. Though you know not my name, though it be the least of the tallies for this census, and not even one of yours, when you hear it you will know it at once. On a day not far off I shall summon you, and instruct you in the ways of truth and righteousness, and together we will awaken this weary world to a dawn of hope.
     The eyes closed. I stood and backed away.
     "I'll fetch water," I whispered. Neither husband nor wife stirred. I slipped out of the stable and closed the door behind me.
     The common room of the inn was crowded and painfully noisy. There were far too many folk there for its size. Servants moved quickly through the room with mugs, plates and coarse blankets, stumbling here and there, receiving muttered thanks or none at all. I stood at the arch to the kitchen and waited to be noticed.
     "Is there water?"
     A young girl turned away from the pot she was stirring and looked up at a portly man tending a large oven. He nodded. She filled an ewer from a dip well and presented it to me in both hands. I took it and thanked her.
     "There's a couple in the stables..."
     The man nodded. "We know."
     "She's given birth."
     "Is she well? And her baby?"
     "I think so."
     He took a loaf from a high shelf and brought it to me. "We haven't much left. The first harvest won't be soon enough for me. But we do what we can, as little as that may be."
     I smiled. "It will serve."
     He nodded and returned to his labors.
     The family in the stable was as I had left it. The child was asleep. The man accepted the bread and water with grave thanks. He was dividing it with his wife as I left them.
     We all do what we can. For some that is more than for others, but no effort is to be shirked. I was far from my place of resource, but that did not excuse me from my portion.
     What of the child in the manger? What would his portion be?
     I had met a great one at last. A king of kings, one whose proper place would be at the head of every table.
     I hoped I might live to see him rise to his estate, but if I did not, it would be of little moment. I had seen him enter the world. That would be enough.
     Jerusalem was a day's ride away. The next day I delivered the census rolls, and remarked again to the tetrarch how noisome and costly the census had proved, not for myself but for the least among his subjects. He thanked me with his usual courtesy, well beyond that owed to a lowly recordsmith, and bade me return to my usual duties. But each day since then I have remembered the child, and wondered what his name, the name I would know as I heard it, would prove to be.

==<O>==

     [Copyright (C) 2000 by Francis W. Porretto. All Rights Reserved Worldwide]

Thursday, December 24, 2020

Christmas Eve Presents...A Frant!

     NB: The third word in the title is a present-tense verb...and boy oh boy, is the present ever tense!

     I like FEE, the Foundation for Economic Education. It was founded by one of God’s true gifts to Mankind, the great Leonard E. Read. It’s included among its operators and organizers such free-market notables as F. A. “Baldy” Harper and Dean Russell. It’s done a lot of very important work promulgating the defense of free markets and freedom generally. It deserves the support of all advocates of freedom.

     But as the saying goes, even Homer nods. And FEE has just published an article titled – drum roll, please:

How $10 Million for Gender Programs in Pakistan Got Tied to a COVID Relief Bill

     ...which doesn’t explain how $10 million for “gender programs in Pakistan” got tied to a COVID relief bill, except by making a general reference to “logrolling” and “public choice” economic theory.

     Breathes there a student of politics, public policy, and legislation who doesn’t know about logrolling? What conceivable good is a thousand-word article that “explains” one of the most egregious cases of absurdity in legislation since World War II without actually explaining it?

     Whereupon your humble Curmudgeon has decided, despite the hour, that it’s time for him to take up his leaden rapier once again.


     “Grab much too much, or you’ll get nothing at all.” – Kurt Vonnegut, God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater

     In the more, ah, speculatively inclined circles of Christian thought, a great deal of attention is given to “signs of the Last Day.” This is, in my opinion, unwise. After all, Christ Himself said that “you shall know not the day nor the hour.” Why then should anyone strive to predetermine and predict “the day and the hour?” You can’t get a better authority than the Son of God, so give it up!

     But of some things we may be reasonably certain. One of them is that the days of integrity in legislative office are over. Federal legislation no longer has more than an incidental connection to its avowed purpose:

The primary purpose of all federal legislation is to enrich legislators, their relatives, their cronies, and their electoral backers.

     Grab-bag bills such as this “COVID relief bill” are not exceptions. Indeed, the more piously a legislator trumpets his concern for the commonweal in promoting such a bill, the more likely it is that it will fill his rice bowl, or those of his relatives and friends, with luscious gravy from the federal tureen. The “urgency” of providing American citizens “financial relief” from the dislocations brought on by the Kung Flu lockdowns is a prime opportunity for loading up a bill with cleverly disguised personal enrichments.

     And this particular bill allocates $10 million to “gender programs in Pakistan.”


     As a rule, the longer a legislator has sat in his seat, the more influence he has over Congressional operations. They can contrive to extract large payments – sometimes in the multimillion-dollar range – from massive spending bills. However, brand-new Congressvermin have very little pull, and must make do with the crumbs from the big boys’ table. This is likely to be such a case.

     Now, to preserve the appearance that an appropriation of $10 million to “gender programs in Pakistan” is really about gender programs in Pakistan, a few steps are required. There must be an office established for the creation, operation, and supervision of gender programs in Pakistan, probably as a sub-sub-subdepartment of the Department of State. That office must then be staffed. though perhaps not with many actual bodies. A titular director, a secretary for him, and a small staff will be hired, and “work” will begin.

     Several months later, the director will issue a “white paper” about the design of the gender programs in Pakistan and how his office will establish the infrastructure for them. The paper must be no less than a certain length, and its Flesch-Kincaid Score must be no less than a certain value, to discourage outsiders from familiarizing themselves with it. All of that will surely absorb nearly the whole of the $10 million. Perhaps a few dollars will make it into the hands of some Pakistani government official, though in these latter days of the Republic that’s not guaranteed.

     What has actually happened, rather than the creation and operation of any gender programs in Pakistan – a virulently Islamic country that would never countenance any such thing – is this:

  • Several well-paid federal sinecures have been created;
  • Relatives or cronies of some Congresscritter have been hired into them;
  • Expenditures have been directed toward firms in some Congressclown’s district;
  • The federal deficit for fiscal year 2021has been increased by $10 million.
  • Another office has been added to the federal bureaucracy.

     Extinguishing that office and the associated federal jobs will be a labor for the ages. Should it take fifty years to kill it, whoever might succeed in doing so would deserve the honors of millennial heroes.

     I have no Congresswhores’ names to put to the above narrative. Yet I am confident that it is as near to an exact description of how “$10 million for gender programs in Pakistan” found its way into a “COVID relief bill” as it is possible to concoct. I mean, really! “Gender programs in Pakistan?”

     What is significant about this particular case in federal graft engineering is only that someone noticed it before it could be enacted in law. In all other ways, it’s just “business as usual” for Leviathan and its innumerable remora.


     Apologies for polluting your Christmas Eve with the above. It’s a compulsion of sorts for me to drip vitriol onto such infamies. I’ve been doing it for so long that it’s almost a reflex at this point.

     But on to happier matters. As you might have expected, the Fortress is ablaze with the Christmas spirit. The tree is lit and the packages – all two of them – are arrayed thereunder. The CD of traditional Christmas carols is in the player and will start as soon as local ordinances permit. (We play The Messiah tomorrow – the whole thing, not just the Alleluia Chorus.) The crab cakes went bad, so we’ll be having chicken teriyaki for our Christmas Vigil dinner. What about you, Gentle Reader?

     May His Coming fill your home with light, love, and joy.

Wednesday, December 25, 2019

“There Were Shepherds Abiding In The Fields...”

And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.
And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.
And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.
For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.
And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.
And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,
Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.
And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto us.
And they came with haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the babe lying in a manger.
And when they had seen it, they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this child.
And all they that heard it wondered at those things which were told them by the shepherds.
But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart.
And the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things that they had heard and seen, as it was told unto them.

[Luke 2:8-20]

     Hearken to the late, great Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen:

     When God came to Earth, there was no room in the inn, but there was room in the stable. What lesson is hidden behind the inn and the stable?

     What is an inn, but the gathering-place of public opinion, the focal point of the world’s moods, the residence of the worldly, the rallying place of the fashionable and those who count in the management of the world’s affairs? What is a stable, but the place of outcasts, the refuge of beasts, and the shelter of the valueless, and therefore the symbol of those who in the eyes of public opinion do not count and hence may be ignored as of no great value or moment? Anyone in the world would have expected to find Divinity in an inn, but no one would have expected to have found it in a stable….

     If, in those days, the stars of the heavens by some magic touch had folded themselves together as silver words and announced the birth of the Expected of the Nations, where would the world have gone in search of Him?

     The world would have searched for the Babe in some palace by the Tiber, or in some gilded house of Athens, or in some inn of a great city where gathered the rich, the mighty, and the powerful ones of Earth. They would not have been the least surprised to have found the newborn King of Kings stretched out on a cradle of gold and surrounded by kings and philosophers paying Him their tribute and obeisance.

     But they would have been surprised to have discovered Him in a manger, laid on coarse straw and warmed by the breath of oxen, as if in atonement for the coldness of the hearts of men. No one would have expected that the One whose fingers could stop the turning of Arcturus would be smaller than the head of an ox; that He who could hurl the ball of fire into the heavens would one day be warmed by the breath of beasts; that He who could make a canopy of stars would be shielded from a stormy sky by the roof of a stable; or that He who made the Earth as His future home would be homeless at home. No one would have expected to find Divinity in such a condition; but that is because Divinity is always where you least expect to find it….

     The world has always sought Divinity in the power of a Babel, but never in the weakness of a Bethlehem. It has searched for it in the inns of popular opinion, but never in the stable of the ignored. It has looked for it in the cradles of gold, but never in the cribs of straw – always in power, but never in weakness.

     [From God’s World and Our Place In It]

     Merry Christmas, Gentle Readers. And really, why not be merry? Why not rejoice and be glad? For the Savior of us all has come into the world: not as the son of royalty, laid in a gilded crib and wrapped about with silks and furs, but as the Child of two poor travelers, who birthed Him in a stable and laid Him in a manger. For He came not to counsel the great nor to lead armies into battle, but to heal our souls: to make us worthy of eternal life in His nearness, if only we accept Him and His gift.

     Peace on Earth, and good will toward men!

Sunday, December 1, 2019

Wars And Rumors Of Wars: A Sunday Rumination

     Do you know the word eschatology? It’s not one you’re likely to hear at a cocktail party. It refers to a particular variety of scriptural study: the study of “the end of things,” when Time will be stopped and the works of Man will no longer hold dominion. Significant parts of the Gospels, and the whole of the Book of Revelation of St. John the Divine, are eschatological in nature. Here’s a passage of that sort from The Gospel According to Matthew:

     And Jesus being come out of the temple, went away. And his disciples came to shew him the buildings of the temple. And he answering, said to them: Do you see all these things? Amen I say to you there shall not be left here a stone upon a stone that shall not be destroyed. And when he was sitting on mount Olivet, the disciples came to him privately, saying: Tell us when shall these things be? and what shall be the sign of thy coming, and of the consummation of the world? And Jesus answering, said to them: Take heed that no man seduce you: For many will come in my name saying, I am Christ: and they will seduce many. And you shall hear of wars and rumours of wars. See that ye be not troubled. For these things must come to pass, but the end is not yet. For nation shall rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom; and there shall be pestilences, and famines, and earthquakes in places. [Matthew 24:1-7]

     Sounds pretty bad, doesn’t it? But Jesus had more to say: “Now all these are the beginnings of sorrows.” Worse – “great tribulation” – will follow:

     And immediately after the tribulation of those days, the sun shall be darkened and the moon shall not give her light, and the stars shall fall from heaven, and the powers of heaven shall be moved: And then shall appear the sign of the Son of man in heaven: and then shall all tribes of the earth mourn: and they shall see the Son of man coming in the clouds of heaven with much power and majesty. And he shall send his angels with a trumpet, and a great voice: and they shall gather together his elect from the four winds, from the farthest parts of the heavens to the utmost bounds of them. [Matthew 24:29-31]

     That is the essence of Christian eschatology: the believer’s vision of “the end of things.” But when is it to arrive? We are not told. We are told only that we should be ready:

     For as in the days before the flood, they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, even till that day in which Noe entered into the ark, And they knew not till the flood came, and took them all away; so also shall the coming of the Son of man be. Then two shall be in the field: one shall be taken, and one shall be left. Two women shall be grinding at the mill: one shall be taken, and one shall be left. Watch ye therefore, because ye know not what hour your Lord will come. But know this ye, that if the goodman of the house knew at what hour the thief would come, he would certainly watch, and would not suffer his house to be broken open. Wherefore be you also ready, because at what hour you know not the Son of man will come. [Matthew 24:38-44]

     Christian eschatology, though it appears to be about “the end of things,” is more concerned with living according to one’s knowledge that it can come at any moment – that “you know not the day nor the hour.”


     It would be natural for a child, exposed to this segment of the Gospels, to become very frightened. All those horrors! All that destruction! It’s not something one should anticipate with pleasure. Neither should we adults hope that the end is nigh; after all, we’ve got a lot of repenting to do.

     But note that Jesus tells us “See that ye be not troubled.” Why not? Because “the end of things” is also a beginning: the replacement of Time by the everlasting Kingdom of God. The end of Time is also the end of death and suffering. It marks our entry into one of two realms: that of eternal bliss, and that of eternal remorse. All we need do to be granted admission to the former is what He told the “rich young man:”

     And behold one came and said to him: Good master, what good shall I do that I may have life everlasting? Who said to him: Why asketh thou me concerning good? One is good, God. But if thou wilt enter into life, keep the commandments. He said to him: Which? And Jesus said: Thou shalt do no murder, Thou shalt not commit adultery, Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not bear false witness. Honour thy father and thy mother: and, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. [Matthew 19:16-19]

     That’s a bargain price for an eternity of bliss in the nearness of God. By comparison to the reward for behaving thus, all temporal pains, losses, and sorrows amount to nothing. Life and death both appear trivial. And so the Redeemer tells us, “See that ye be not troubled.”

     Pretty good advice, especially since we couldn’t do a thing about all those “wars and rumors of wars” anyway.


     While the entire liturgical year is a thing of joy, its two special seasons, Lent and Advent, are particularly striking in their respective ways. Advent, which begins today, is the season in which Christians prepare for the Nativity of Christ, the beginning of the greatest story ever told. Yet the anticipation of the coming of the Redeemer wasn’t the original reason for the seasonal festivities. Rather, the Christmas celebration was placed at this time of year because of the descent into darkness and cold, and the fear of primitive peoples who could not be perfectly sure that light and warmth would return.

     Primitive Man believed that the retreat of the Sun could only be counteracted by the propitiation of the gods who control the movement of that celestial body. They staged great sacrificial feasts at “the dark of the year” in the hope of reminding the gods that Man desperately needs sunlight and warmth to continue to live and worship. One of the ancient pagan faiths, that of the Norse, incorporates in its eschatology the concept of Fimbulwinter, a thirty year period of darkness and cold that precedes the end of the world and the destruction of the gods themselves in the wars of Ragnarok.

     Other pre-Christian, pre-monotheism faiths speak of “the end of things,” but only Christianity couples it to a second life – a life eternal, that can be more joyous than any Earthly joy, if we will only hold ourselves ready to enter it.

     And it all begins with Christ and His message of redemption.


     Twenty-four days remain till we once again commemorate the Nativity: the Child born in a stable and laid in a manger who was destined to remake the world. He’s still doing it, you know. It’s not a job to be deemed complete while we’re still running around loose getting into all sorts of trouble. And there is trouble aplenty, doubt it not. While men are men, that will always be so. But where He is worshipped, there is hope for better. Better days to come on Earth, as His teachings gain an ever greater following, and ultimately the greatest of days, when we are joined to Him and His Father in the life to come.

     So be ye not troubled, for He draws near.

     Enjoy your Advent season, and may God bless and keep you all!

Monday, December 17, 2018

The Music Of The Icosahedrons: We The Put-Upon

     [Enough acquaintances have complained to me of late about their Christmas shopping experiences that I’ve decided to resurrect an Eternity Road piece from 2005 that speaks of how best to go about it. Yes, yes, I know it’s somewhat late for the purpose, but...well, there is a week left to shop, and there are people out there in need! -- FWP]


     That most anticipated and dreaded of all days is upon us once again: Black Friday, when retailers everywhere brace for an onslaught unexampled on any other day of the year. Shoppers will jam the stores, pushing, shoving, elbowing, cross-checking (north of the 49th parallel), and generally making a fuss over what might be the very last She-Ra action figure in a mauve teddy and puce platform heels to be found within a hundred miles, and was that really what little Johnny wanted, or did he mean those offhand remarks during the commercials for the Acme Junior Sodomy Kit to be taken as hints?

     Gahh. Your Curmudgeon will be staying home with his sweetie, his dogs and cats, his books and his DVDs, behind a securely bolted door, guaranteed impregnable up to 30 psi overpressure. The alternative is too horrible to contemplate.

     It's not that your Curmudgeon disdains to shop. He enjoys it most of the time, provided the C.S.O. isn't in one of those try-everything-on-in-every-possible-combination moods. But Black Friday seems to bring out the very worst of shoppers' behavior -- and in tandem with it, the most appalling, universal sense of unmet entitlement, as if someone had guaranteed each and every one of those folks that he'd find what he was looking for, at a bargain price, and with gift wrapping thrown in.

     It's unseemly, especially given the time of year. But then, it would hardly be better in August or March, and we get plenty of it then, as well.

     That sense of entitlement, and the resentment and smoldering, barely controlled rage that go along with it, can manifest even in the nicest of persons. To hone the ironies unbearably sharp, it usually thrusts itself into the light under those precise conditions when it will most impede the sufferer from getting what he wants. Your Curmudgeon has a young friend, whom he'll call Miss Smith, who's sweeter than SplendaTM toward him and her other friends and intimates, but who seemingly can't control herself around retail clerks or waitresses. Not long ago, your Curmudgeon took her out to lunch in celebration of a recent achievement, ordered for both, and enjoyed a pleasant hour over good food and conversation. On the ride back to the office, Miss Smith remarked about how uncharacteristically pleasant and considerate the waitress had been.

     your Curmudgeon: Oh, you've had a bad experience there before?
     Miss Smith: No, but every waitress I've ever gotten in a place like that has been rude and obnoxious to me.

     your Curmudgeon: Wow. You must be eating in the wrong places.
     Miss Smith: No, just casual restaurants like that one. But they all seem to hire the worst-tempered people they can find.

     your Curmudgeon: (hesitantly) Are you sure you're not over-generalizing from a handful of unpleasant encounters?
     Miss Smith: Perfectly. When I go out to eat, I have to scream until I'm blue in the face to get decent service. You must have charmed her.

     Your Curmudgeon barely has enough charm to register on the finest detectors. All he'd done was smile and say "may I," "please," and "thank you." At the time, he shrugged it aside, but a few days later, when nearly identical comments issued from another of his friends after another lunch out, it set him to thinking.

     Today, North America's retail establishments will feature plenty of scowling, grumbling, and shouting, but very few smiles, pleases, or thank yous. Retail workers will go home exhausted in body and spirit. Most shoppers won't be any happier.

     As a rule, people respond in kind to the treatment they receive. They return courtesy for courtesy, and insult for insult; consideration for consideration, and blow for blow. Moreover, none of this is being kept secret. When Christ told us to "do unto others as you would have them do unto you," He wasn't articulating some bizarre and unnatural theory of human relations; He was elucidating the way human society actually, observably works. So why are so many of us unable to draw the lesson?

     Perhaps at the core of the mystery is the sense of being under continuous pressure from the demands of others. A lot of people suffer it -- possibly most of us, at points during the year -- and the sense of having one's nerves and energies taxed to their limits is not conducive to moderation or restraint. The Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays, with their hospitality and gift-giving traditions, are sources of that pressure, especially for those with large families or another reason to feel interpersonal obligation.

     Most Americans feel more obliged to keep true to our cultural traditions of holiday hospitality and generosity than they do to obey the penal laws. (Black Friday isn't just the nation's biggest shopping day; it's also our biggest shoplifting day. Keep an eye peeled; you'll see it all around you.) It doesn't help that the generosity obligation, once confined to immediate family, is now widely deemed to include friends, coworkers, and the purchasing agents for one's largest customers.

     This is not good. It must be undone before it turns what was once a credit to us into a cultural chancre to be condemned.

     Accordingly, your Curmudgeon would like to issue a few suggestions:

  1. Try to gauge the amount of irritation and anxiety holiday shopping will bring you before you begin it. If it strikes you likely that you won't be able to draw a net gain from it -- without factoring in the feigned squeals of delight from the recipients of your purchases -- then abandon the enterprise. At the least, put it off until you've built up some reserves of equanimity.
  2. Do not ask anyone what he'd like as a gift. Not only is this contrary to the central principles of gift-giving; it also increases the pressure on you, by prescribing what you must locate and how much you must spend. Conversely, the only answer you may give to "what would you like for Christmas?" is the old standby: "Peace in the world."
  3. If you feel you must shop for gifts, then before you set out, do all the following, without exception or reservation:
    • Tot up the amount you'd be comfortable spending, set that amount aside in cash, and resolve firmly to spend not a penny more, regardless of all inducements.
    • Eschew conversation with anyone -- most especially with family members -- about holiday shopping, whether yours or theirs. This is an underappreciated source of poorly cloaked hints and overall competitive pressure. If someone else introduces the topic, change the subject at once.
    • Go only to stores that pride themselves on customer service, and maintain the highest degree of courtesy toward everyone while you're there.
    • Wherever you shop, patronize stores at their least busy hours. Early mornings are usually best -- Black Friday is an exception to this -- as are late evenings.
    • Under no circumstances are you to say to yourself "I have to get something for XXX." No, you don't, no matter who XXX may be. Your only real obligations, even to your spouse, are affection and respect. If you can't find an appropriate gift for your wife, rub her feet. If you can't find an appropriate gift for your husband, rub his back. Accompany these "gifts" with the promise of a special occasion, for example a dress-up dinner out at a nice restaurant, after the holidays are over.

     It ought not to be necessary for prescriptions as simple as these to issue from a Certified Galactic Intellect calibrated for unscrewing the inscrutable, but one does what one must.

Sunday, November 25, 2018

A Negative-Sum Game: A Sunday Rumination

     Welcome, Gentle Reader, to the Feast of Christ the King. It falls on the last Sunday of the Catholic liturgical year, which is immediately followed by the inception of the Advent season that prefaces Christmas, the Feast of the Nativity of Jesus Christ. If you’ve hoped to revisit the Rumination I’ve traditionally posted on this feast day, here it is. However, what’s on my mind today is somewhat different.


     The branch of finite mathematics known as game theory partitions games in several ways. One partition is by aggregate payoff:

  1. If at the game’s end, the sum of the payoffs – losses are figured as negative payoffs – is greater than zero, the game is positive-sum.
  2. If at the game’s end, the sum of the payoffs is exactly zero, the game is zero-sum.
  3. If at the game’s end, the sum of the payoffs is less than zero, the game is negative-sum.

     (A brief digression: At one time a game was reckoned as positive-sum if an only if all players were no worse off at the end than they were at the beginning – i.e., no player lost anything. Games of that sort receive very little analytical attention, for which reason the category was redefined as I’ve stated above.)

     Real-world games that involve money are almost always zero or negative-sum. Casino gambling is the best example of a negative-sum game: “the house percentage” guarantees that. Bets between individuals are usually zero-sum; at least, I can’t think of a counterexample at the moment. Positive-sum games are much rarer. The best example of a positive-sum game is a contest in which both the winner and the loser receive a payoff from a third-party sponsor. Some sports contests and tournaments are like that. So are television game shows.

     There are parallels to be drawn between games that involve monetary stakes and “games” that consist of arguments over ideas in politics, political economy, and social currents.


     Some categories of argumentation are analogous to the partition of games delineated above. Arguments in which it’s possible for all participants to learn something may be called positive-sum. Arguments in which one participant must “defeat” the others may be called zero-sum, as long as the defeated participants lose nothing but the positions they espoused. But an argument in which all participants lose by playing would be zero-sum. An example would be an exchange from which neither participant learns anything and both depart feeling insulted, injured, or alienated. These days there are many such arguments.

     The above might have you thinking of political arguments. Indeed, many would qualify. But this is a Sunday Rumination.

     Exchanges over religious beliefs are seldom other than negative-sum. Mind you, persons of different faiths can exchange their views without arguing. I’ve certainly done so often enough. But an argument must involve the testing of some proposition against logic and the available evidence (if any). What are the usual consequences of an argument over religious beliefs?

  • Neither side is convinced of anything;
  • Seldom does either party learn anything;
  • Insults and hurt feelings are commonplace.

     Today, the most common species of “argument” that involves religious beliefs occurs between a Christian of some denomination and a militant atheist. Neither side is willing to embrace the other’s convictions. Only on the rarest occasions does either party confront any verifiable facts new to him. And yes, in the usual case there are insults and hurt feelings to deal with. Moreover – and this is what has me writing about this subject today – at least one party enters the exchange knowing that that will be the outcome.

     Why would anyone enter such a contest? What is he playing for?


     With the Christmas season almost upon us, the various pseudo-public-service pitches will proliferate once again: the ones that say “Keep Christ in Christmas” or some variation on that theme, and the ones that say “Forget the Imaginary Friends and Just Make Merry” or words to that effect. And with those pitches will flower the usual arguments – to no one’s gain I can detect or imagine.

     The “Keep Christ in Christmas” banners are largely aimed at persons who already describe themselves as Christians. More than anything else they’re an exhortation not to let one’s family’s Christmas celebration become over-commercialized. Christ, after all, is “the reason for the season.” Non-Christian Americans can certainly celebrate the holiday season in their preferred way, but for Christians remembering that we’re celebrating the Feast of the Nativity of the Son of God and the Redeemer of Mankind is obligatory.

     For some reason, militant atheists tend to become especially irritating at this time of year. It’s as if their personal options aren’t enough for them; they seem to feel a need to “educate” the rest of us about our “irrationality.” But as I’ve written on more than one occasion, any firm conviction about the supernatural is a faith in and of itself, as in the nature of things it’s non-falsifiable. The atheist can no more “prove” that there is no God than I can “prove” that there is one, an observation that only heightens the rhetorical temperature once things get started.

     Most militant atheists are bright enough to be aware that these are negative-sum games. Most of them can foresee that no one will gain and – quite likely – some folks will be seriously insulted, possibly alienated for life. So why enter into such an exchange?

     I don’t know. I have a theory, but it’s one I’d prefer to keep to myself. What I do know is that it’s important to avert such interactions, and to terminate or depart from the ones I blunder into before they become heated.

     Well, life is for living and learning, and for conferring upon others what benefits are within one’s power to create. Perhaps one of my Gentle Readers will have an insight to share. At any rate, may God bless and keep you all – and go easy on the leftovers. (No more snacking from the tray of stuffing! I saw you sneaking a glance at the fridge. It’s not even noon yet, you naughty person. What would your mother say?)

Monday, December 25, 2017

And It Came To Pass...

     And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus, that all the world should be taxed. (And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria.)

     And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city. And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David:) To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child.

     And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered.

     And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.

     And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.

     And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.

     And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.

     And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

     And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto us.

     And they came with haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the babe lying in a manger.

     And when they had seen it, they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this child.

     And all they that heard it wondered at those things which were told them by the shepherds. But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart.

     And the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things that they had heard and seen, as it was told unto them.

     [Luke 2:1-20]

Friday, December 8, 2017

The Christmas Season, Part 1

     That’s what we call it around here: the Christmas season; i.e., the season centered on the Nativity of Our Lord Jesus Christ and the events surrounding it. Not “the holiday season.” I know we’re all supposed to be multiculturally inclusive and so forth, but the Fortress of Crankitude is my dive, the residents jitterbug to my tune, and anyway I write what I bloody well please. Besides, whoever heard of Chanukkah carols sung around a Chanukkah tree? So here’s the first of a sporadic set of emissions about the Christmas season, from the crankiest Catholic on the Web by certified measurement.

     (Never fear that I “disrespect” the C.S.O.’s faith, whatever that means. Jesus was the Son of a Jewish mother, after all. The little electric menorah has been deployed in the picture window next to the crèche; the first candles will be lit on Tuesday. For dinner for the occasion I bought her two pounds of chopped liver, two giant spinach knishes, and a large red onion, and she’s agreed to make her intergalactically renowned potato latkes to round it out. That should be sufficient.)


     December 8 is, in a sense, the opening of the Christmas season. On this date, Catholics celebrate the Feast of the Immaculate Conception. The Church teaches that Mary of Nazareth, the Mother of God, is the one and only human being in recorded history conceived without the taint of “original sin.” This doctrine was proclaimed by Pope Pius IX in 1854. Given that her Son was one of the three Persons of God, it makes sense that the human vessel through which He was to be Incarnated should be special.

     Every word written about Mary, from the Protoevangelium to Anne Catherine Emmerich’s visions of her last days, testifies to an abundant, all-pervading grace. The Archangel Gabriel, God’s Annunciator, made it quite explicit:

     And in the sixth month, the angel Gabriel was sent from God into a city of Galilee, called Nazareth, To a virgin espoused to a man whose name was Joseph, of the house of David: and the virgin's name was Mary.
     And the angel being come in, said unto her: Hail, full of grace, the Lord is with thee: blessed art thou among women. Who having heard, was troubled at his saying and thought with herself what manner of salutation this should be.
     And the angel said to her: Fear not, Mary, for thou hast found grace with God. Behold thou shalt conceive in thy womb and shalt bring forth a son: and thou shalt call his name Jesus. He shall be great and shall be called the Son of the Most High. And the Lord God shall give unto him the throne of David his father: and he shall reign in the house of Jacob for ever. And of his kingdom there shall be no end.
     And Mary said to the angel: How shall this be done, because I know not man?
     And the angel answering, said to her: The Holy Ghost shall come upon thee and the power of the Most High shall overshadow thee. And therefore also the Holy which shall be born of thee shall be called the Son of God. And behold thy cousin Elizabeth, she also hath conceived a son in her old age: and this is the sixth month with her that is called barren. Because no word shall be impossible with God.
     And Mary said: Behold the handmaid of the Lord: be it done to me according to thy word. And the angel departed from her.

     [Luke 1:26-38]

     Considering how heavy a burden it proved to be, Mary’s acceptance of that role was a great gift to us, second only to God’s gift to us of His Son.


     “Original sin” is itself a concept mired in controversy. In recent years, it’s been interpreted as the “brokenness” of Man, being capable of sin by virtue of our free wills and our susceptibility to temptation. Though it’s almost certainly allegorical rather than circumstantial, the story of Adam, Eve, and the Fall dramatizes how human desire can sometimes override our obedience to God and our consciences.

     Mary was free from that weakness. Yet as a human woman she possessed the free will that, along with our intellects, distinguishes us from the lower orders. And so, when Gabriel appeared to her at the Annunciation, she was free to accept or decline the burden of being the Mother of God.

     What if Mary had said “Thanks, but no thanks?” As God does all things for each of His creatures, we would have been redeemed somehow. He did not create us to be forever apart from Him. Still, it’s obvious that history would have been quite different.

     But she accepted it, and so gave us the Redeemer from her own flesh.

     And Mary rising up in those days, went into the hill country with haste into a city of Juda. And she entered into the house of Zachary and saluted Elizabeth.
     And it came to pass that when Elizabeth heard the salutation of Mary, the infant leaped in her womb. And Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Ghost. And she cried out with a loud voice and said: Blessed art thou among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb. And whence is this to me that the mother of my Lord should come to me? For behold as soon as the voice of thy salutation sounded in my ears, the infant in my womb leaped for joy. And blessed art thou that hast believed, because those things shall be accomplished that were spoken to thee by the Lord.
     And Mary said: My soul doth magnify the Lord. And my spirit hath rejoiced in God my Saviour. Because he hath regarded the humility of his handmaid: for behold from henceforth all generations shall call me blessed.

     [Luke 1:39-48]

     And all generations have called her blessed: the Blessed Virgin, Holy Mother of God, Queen of Angels and Men, the highest of all saints, to whom we give special homage on this day.

     May God bless and keep you all.

Sunday, December 3, 2017

Preparing The Way: A Revived Rumination

     [The following Advent Season Rumination first appeared at Eternity Road on December 17, 2006. -- FWP]

     A few years ago, there was a charmingly poignant movie, K-Pax, starring Kevin Spacey and Jeff Bridges. If you haven't seen it, the plot concerned a man committed to a mental institution, who claimed to be a visitor from another planet. K-Pax (Spacey), however, was far and away the sanest and most insightful person in the asylum, including all the psychiatrists, therapists, and hired staff. Throughout the movie, the other patients with whom he's confined grow saner and more stable, unquestionably due to his influence. Near the end, K-Pax counsels one patient, who's followed K-Pax's direction and now expects him to dispense a final, ultimate lesson of liberation from helplessness and malaise, to "be ready."

     "Be ready for what?" the patient replies.

     K-Pax's smile fills with serene, optimistic anticipation. "Anything."

     "Ready for anything" is a phrase once used to herald the lurid slam-bang adventures of larger-than-life fictional heroes, the sort that charged in where angels fear to tread, could take anyone's best shot and return it doubled, and always got the girl. It has a sound of whatever-it-takes willingness to confront any opposition on any scale, and to triumph. But clearly from the context, K-Pax didn't have that sort of thing in mind. The exchange ends at that point, leaving the viewer free to speculate about what he did mean, if anything.

     Anything. Even torn from all surrounding supports, the word has an expansive feel to it. We use it a lot, albeit more often than not in a dismissive sense. "What would you like for dinner?" "Anything." "What would you like to watch?" "Oh, anything." "What should we bring as a hostess gift?" With a helpless shrug of (usually male) shoulders: "Anything?"

     Big word. Big scope. Very fuzzy meaning in practice.

     Yet, for an adult, "ready for anything" is an ideal to be striven for. More than that: it's a presumed condition, at least here in America. If you're not "ready for anything," or at least for anything in the common run of American experience, then what the BLEEP! is wrong with you?

     Are you "ready for anything?" I don't think I am. Twenty years ago I might have claimed to be, but not these past few years. Doing my best to cope, though.

     But what does "ready for anything" mean?

     Possibly nothing...and possibly everything of importance to a human soul.

     Every life is visited by trial and loss. If the tabloids and gossip rags do us any service, it's to remind us that the "beautiful people" are no more immune to the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune than Hamlet or we. Reese Witherspoon has lost her husband; Tom Cruise has lost his mind; Britney Spears has lost her underpants. Wealth, fame, beauty, talent, strength, swiftness, mental acuity, and popularity are no armor. Indeed, as Nachiketa said to Yama in the Katha Upanishad, these things endure only until tomorrow. We gain them with toil, enjoy them for a brief time, and surrender them with much regret.

     If the annals of Man have anything enduring to say to us, it's that nothing endures. "And this, too, shall pass away." Like it or not -- and we won't -- we must be ready for it.

     No one knows what form his own trials will take, nor what they will cost him. All we know is the certainty of sorrow; nothing else in human life is certain. We must be ready for anything.

     Many persons see this, a rather roundabout survey of the Problem of Pain, as a refutation of God's love, and indeed, of His existence. A loving God, they assert, would not have condemned us to lives fated to end in deterioration, loss, suffering, and death. If we are indeed creatures of a greater Being, He must be a fiend to have burdened us so. Better that He not exist at all; to deny Him is actually a greater courtesy than He deserves.

     Such persons have not thought seriously about the nature of temporal existence in a realm ruled by natural laws. Time itself is the traitor. No universe with stable laws, no matter how its Creator might tune them, could be otherwise.

     It's the inexorable forward march of time that brings us low. In a dynamic universe with stable laws, all events converge upon equilibrium. We whose efforts go to creating little pockets of order, in which we might dispose ourselves as we prefer, are up against forces that cannot ultimately be defeated: forces that will fill every valley and bring all mountains low. Order as we see it is an affront to equilibrium. Time levels, and we are all in its path.

     Which is why the arrival in our world, two thousand years ago, of a Being who possesses power over time itself and is unaffected by its ravages was an event of infinite importance.

     I've written before about the uniqueness and beauty of the Christian mythos. Indeed, I've rhapsodized over it so greatly that no doubt a few of you are hoping I'll move on to something else, so you won't have to read any more about it. Sorry! Eight days from now we commemorate the Incarnation, the event that brought the still point of Love transcendent and eternal into time for a brief while, so that we might taste peace. The Advent season, of which this is the first Sunday, is a time of preparation for that event.

     But how are we to prepare? How are we to know that we are prepared?

     In some sense, the thing is impossible. Time-bound Man cannot be fully braced for the arrival of God. We are too limited, too frail, too easily fatigued. But God is aware of that. How could He not be? That's one of the reasons His Son took human form to go among us. It might be one of the reasons He suffered His Son to be tortured to death: Even unto this, I am one with you.

     Perhaps the right approach is a program of foretaste. Though He never went more than two hundred miles from the place where He was born, spoke a language no one on Earth has spoken for centuries, was ultimately arrested as a common criminal and put to the most ignominious death ever devised, Jesus's proclamation of the Kingdom of God and God's New Covenant with Man shook the world. The wonder of that has inspired two millennia's worth of believers to efforts, achievements, and glorifications no other event has inspired.

     It inspires us still, and will do so until time itself has come to an end.

     To allow our hearts to fill with the joy that should attend His coming is the only imaginable preparation for it. It's the point of the Advent liturgy, which, you will note, is entirely free of references to colored balls and tinsel, trans-fat-free holiday cooking, or the next big sale at Best Buy:

     Now in the fifteenth year of the reign of Tiberius Caesar, Pontius Pilate being governor of Judea and Herod being tetrarch of Galilee, and his brother Philip tetrarch of Ituraea and of the region of Trachontis, and Lysanias the tetrarch of Abilene, Annas and Caiaphas being the high priests, the word of God came unto John the son of Zacharias in the wilderness. And he came into the country all about Jordan, preaching the baptism of repentance for the remission of sins; As it is written in the book of the words of Esaias the prophet, saying: The voice of one crying in the wilderness, Prepare ye the way of the Lord, make his paths straight. Every valley shall be filled, and every mountain and hill shall be brought low; and the crooked shall be made straight, and the rough ways shall be made smooth; And all flesh shall see the salvation of God. [The Gospel According to Luke, 3:1-6]

     Perhaps with that preparation, we shall be ready.

     But ready for what?

     Anything.

     May God bless and keep you all.

Sunday, December 25, 2016

Your Curmudgeon Has A Sad...

     ...but as the angel said to the shepherds, fear not: It’s for other people: those who are offended by the Christian nature of Christmas.

     There are at least two categories of persons whose teeth gnash at the Christian content of Christmas: left-wing activists and militant atheists. (Muslims don’t like it much either, but they constitute a separate psychosis that demands its own study.) Those two groups spend much of December in a state of barely leashed hostility toward three-quarters of America: the three-quarters that self-identifies as Christian and refuses to back away from it.

     The Left is the easier group to understand. The Left demands that all things be political – i.e., that there be no aspect of human existence that lacks a political attachment. But Christmas, the celebration of the birth of Jesus of Nazareth, the Son of God and Redeemer of Mankind, has no such attachment despite the efforts of numerous leftists to characterize the Savior as some sort of First Century social-justice-warrior.

     Worse, the Christmas season is one that promotes good will toward all men, regardless of their politics. Leftists can’t have that! The enemy must be given no rest, and no quarter. So leftists endure our Christmas celebrations in a kind of subliminal misery. It usually lifts some time around January 15.

     Militant atheists present a more troubling case. Generally, upon encountering someone who appears consumed by hatred, your Curmudgeon will try to help him. Buy him a drink or six, so he’ll relax. Get enough alcohol into such a person and he’ll eventually confess that it isn’t really the New England Patriots that offend him so, but that Tom Brady went and took Gisele Bundchen off the market. A typical day offers the man of good will many opportunities for such acts of Christian charity.

     But the militant atheist cannot be helped in such a fashion. His cause, as he’ll tell you in apocalyptic tones, is rationality. Why do people persist in such lunacy? It’s unreasonable to believe in a God scientific instruments cannot detect. It’s even less reasonable to believe that He once donned human flesh so He could sweat, suffer, and die along with the rest of us. The apostle of Reason Uber Alles will have no truck with such fantasies. You needn’t bother to show him the documentation; books have been wrong before, don’t y’know.

     None of that will change no matter how much Jack, Stoli, or Seven & Seven you lavish upon a militant atheist. It’s forbidden by his faith.

     Yes, his faith. The more amiable variety of atheist allows that while he doesn’t believe in God, he can’t prove his conviction any more than a Christian can prove his. The militant’s faith is a Church outside which there is no salvation. Either join or be condemned eternally to...uh...well, wherever theists are supposed to go, though in the absence of an afterlife there’s obviously going to be some difficulties with that.

     A militant atheist who concedes even once that he might be wrong will be read out of the tribe more surely and swiftly than an Orthodox Jew found munching a Ham & Swiss on white bread with mayo, or a Mormon caught patronizing a Starbucks.

     So your Curmudgeon has a sad for these folks. But it doesn’t last. Neither does the Christmas Octave. And while it does, it’s best to shower that good will stuff widely and indiscriminately:

  • Don’t say “Happy Holidays;” say Merry Christmas!
  • Keep it up until at least the Feast of the Epiphany (Orthodox Christians call this the Theophany), which is at the foundation of the Christmas gift-giving tradition.
  • Wish everyone, however sour-faced, a Happy New Year.
  • And always add “May God bless and keep you and those you love.”

     It’s the Christian thing to do.

     (Yes, it’s hard to be properly Curmudgeonly at this time of year.)

How It Happened

     And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus, that all the world should be taxed.
     (And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria.)
     And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city.
     And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David:)
     To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child.
     And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered.
     And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.
     And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.
     And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.
     And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.
     For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.
     And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.
     And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,
     Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.
     And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto us.
     And they came with haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the babe lying in a manger.
     And when they had seen it, they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this child.
     And all they that heard it wondered at those things which were told them by the shepherds.
     But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart.
     And the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things that they had heard and seen, as it was told unto them.

     [Luke 2:1-20]

     Merry Christmas, Gentle Readers. May God bless and keep you all.

Saturday, December 24, 2016

A Seasonal Reminder

     These past few decades the U.S. has had some good years, some unfortunate years, and quite a few that were mixed. We’ve seen Washington make some pretty poor decisions, especially when legislators and executives have a few bucks to squander, have had a bit too much wassail, and the next election is far away. But we have a history of ultimately getting things right, especially on those special days when children’s eyes are bright with anticipation and no one can sleep for excitement over the morning to come.

     Like Christmas:

     That’s right, baddies of the world. Americans did that. We’ll do it again if we must. Think before you leap.

Sunday, December 11, 2016

Wealth And Envy

     Some years ago there was a movie titled The Gods Must Be Crazy. It concerned a tribe in the Kalahari desert that has essentially nothing but the food it can gather from its surroundings, which comes unexpectedly upon a gift of sorts: an empty Coke bottle. Before long, the members of the tribe come to blows over that bottle, from which the discoverer concludes that they are not meant to have it. He resolves to return it to the gods by taking it to the edge of the world and casting it off. Only thus, he believes, can the envy of his tribemates be neutered and the conflicts among them ended.

     Sounds a bit odd, I’m sure. Yet it serves as an allegory of the effects of the internationalization of First World commerce. The spread of our products across the globe has elicited paroxysms of envy we of the prosperous West could hardly imagine.

     Please don’t mistake me: the envious behavior of others is not our fault. What I have in mind is how a tribal society, not yet intellectually advanced enough to comprehend the value of property rights or the destructiveness of envy, will usually react to contact with a more advanced society. The pattern is near to uniform, wherever such contact has occurred. Indeed, I’m unable to come up with a counterexample.

     Ponder this tale of a Ghanaian tribal chief:

     This man had worked for thirty years in the offices of a number of European export firms. He knew that the only way to political influence lay in the accumulation of savings with which to finance a political organization. For him, this was enormously difficult. Whenever his relatives supposed him to have saved anything, they applied the thumbscrews of family obligations....The chief in question had to transfer his account from bank to bank because his relatives succeeded in eliciting information from the bank clerks about his savings. He began to build a house that he purposely left unfinished so that he could tell his relatives, “You see, I have no more money, I am a poor man.” At last they believed him and he was able to prosper without interference.

     [Helmut Schoeck, Envy: A Theory of Social Behaviour]

     Helmut Schoeck’s mighty treatise brilliantly analyzes how pervasive, uncontrolled envy retards the societies where it persists. Very early on in the book he gives us a thought we should all bear in mind:

     Most of the achievements which distinguish members of modern, highly developed and diversified societies from members of primitive societies – the development of civilization, in short – are the results of innumerable defeats inflicted on envy: i.e., on man as an envious being. And what Marxists have called the opiate of religion, the ability to provide hope and happiness for believers in widely different material circumstances, is nothing more than the provision of ideas which liberate the envious person from envy, the person envied from his sense of guilt and his fear of the envious.

     In a society in which some will prosper more than others, uncontrolled envy is the stimulus for unending conflict. A society that accepts rampant envy as somehow justifiable (or at least, ineradicable) will be lucky indeed if those conflicts remain non-violent.

     Yet in contemplating the social order of the West, which routinely grants respect to the demands of the querulous, such that those who ask nothing of the State except to be left alone are mulcted without limit to satisfy them, what conclusion can we reach but that envy, in the First World, has become one of the ruling principles of society?

     Australia’s Reverend John Williams notes in his lectures that the only emotion mentioned in the Ten Commandments is envy: Thou shalt not covet. It should follow that among Christians, any indications of envy should be squashed at the instant they manifest. This in no way contravenes the desirability of charity toward those whose circumstances don’t permit them to support themselves. Rather it’s a matter of responsibility toward one’s fellows and their right to be left alone. To appease the envious is to feed their envy and increase its power. The envious are never satisfied with a single propitiation or a single target.

     This is on my mind this morning because of a practice that’s become commonplace among American Christians: the doubly anonymous giving of Christmas gifts, purchased by the well off, to the children of presumptively needy families. At my parish a “giving tree” is used to solicit specific items as gifts, which makes it still worse. The implications of this practice appall me. I can’t imagine how anyone conscious of the dynamics of demand for the unearned – how attempts to satisfy such demands stoke the furnace of envy – could fail to grasp this.

     I’m considered a modern-day Scrooge for thinking such a thing. To my shame, that’s often caused me to withhold or qualify my opinion, even when it’s been requested.

     I know, I know: bleak thoughts for Gaudete Sunday, which is supposed to be an occasion of joy. Yet I can’t help but wish for the disappearance of the Christmas gift-giving tradition, and not merely for the crowds it engenders on the roads and in the stores in the month of December. It often seems to me that one whose fondest desire is to destroy constructive charity, neighborly affection, and genuine good will among men could hardly have come up with a better stratagem.

     Bob Cratchit’s family demanded nothing. They were profoundly grateful for what they had, and delighted beyond measure with what they eventually received. Perhaps in framing their story that way, Charles Dickens was wiser than he knew. He was certainly wiser than our contemporary apostles of an unreflective, indiscriminate “charity” for which gratitude is seldom felt and thanks is never offered.

Sunday, December 4, 2016

What’s At Hand? A Sunday Rumination

     John the Baptist, the Precursor to Christ, called the people of Judea to repent of their sins, that the Kingdom of God is “at hand.” Thousands, moved by his words, came to him to be baptized in the Jordan River...but what did they think he was telling them was “at hand?”

     A lot of folks alive today have trouble with it. Can we expect that the Judeans of the First Century found it crystal clear?


     Among the more interesting divergences between the doctrines of the Jehovah’s Witnesses and those of orthodox Christianity is this one: the Witnesses maintain that the Kingdom of God is to be achieved in this world. Given human free will and its implications for the persistence of evil, I can’t see it. Then again, I’m not a Witness, so perhaps I’d need to steep myself in the whole of Witness theology to get a purchase on it. At any rate, the more traditional Christian sects hold that the Kingdom of God, a.k.a. Heaven, is a supra-physical realm to be attained only after passing from this life. Even the Revelations of St. John are interpreted thus.

     However, it’s easy to imagine, especially given Judaic traditions concerning the Messiah, that many of those John baptized might have thought that a temporal Kingdom of God would soon be upon them. When Jesus began His public ministry and told of the Kingdom of God through parables, the clash with traditional Judaic belief were considerable. When He said to Pilate that “My kingdom is not of this world,” the clash became absolute: either Jesus was not the Messiah the Jews of Judea had expected for centuries, or the prophecies concerning an eventual Messiah were an enormous distance from the reality, for the Messiah had left them in thrall to the Roman occupiers and assorted evildoers.

     Given the Judaic scriptural tradition, it’s easy to see why many Jews were unable to accept Him as the one they had been promised.


     Just as with the First Century Judeans, the human desire for relief from predation and privation in this world is enough to persuade many persons that the Christian promise isn’t good enough for them. God’s love is all very well, they might say, but what about my mortgage, my property taxes, and my kids’ orthodontia bills? Can’t we have a little Divine relief while we’re still alive to enjoy it?

     Ultimately, it’s an argument over premises. Those who accept the Christian Covenant are unable to satisfy those who won’t be satisfied with anything short of Heaven on Earth; the premises of the two camps are diametrically opposed. And as I sit here pondering it, it occurs to me that there just might be some value in that for both groups.

     It’s a tenet of Christian faith that no good man will be denied his just reward in the afterlife. That’s a fairly recent revision of Christian doctrine, but an important one. If Christians can bear that firmly in mind, especially in our dealings with good men who don’t share our premises, we can be more effective in this world – and not merely as evangelists. It underlines the importance of living the faith. Saint Francis of Assisi’s possibly apocryphal exhortation – “At all times preach the Gospels; when necessary, use words” – improves the world around us as it improves our souls.

     Whether or not he actually said it, Saint Francis certainly lived it.


     Though the Kingdom of God is not to be realized under the veil of Time, it remains an ideal toward which to strive. The Advent season, during which we prepare ourselves for the Feast of the Nativity, should remind us of that.

     Secularists, unpersuaded that a Creator and a supra-temporal realm exist, are nevertheless as susceptible as anyone to the lure of the admirable. Everyone is naturally drawn toward those he admires. Admiration breeds emulation, in deed if not in creed. Evoking such emulation is the most positive thing anyone could do for the world around him. It’s a notion we should bear in mind at all times, not just in the four weeks before Christmas.

     May God bless and keep you all.

Friday, December 25, 2015

The Reason

     May God bless and keep you all!

Thursday, December 25, 2014

Contretemps: A Christmas Story

(A Christmas gift to my readers. Among the great mysteries of modern life is why people who know the benefits that flow from faith reject it, and them, when they need them most. American life, especially, is about as strenuous as the unaugmented human animal can withstand. So why be stubborn? Why not partake? Why not admit that every so often, we come to a pass so narrow that only faith can release us?)

    The sound of his wife’s footsteps approaching pulled at Stephen Sumner’s neck hair. He hoisted his magazine a little higher in hope that she’d walk past. It wasn’t to be.
    “Would you like a ham or a lasagna for the second entree?”
    He dipped the magazine and peered up into her face. Adrienne’s expression was mock-solicitous, almost sappy. A pinpoint-sized eraser to dab at a mural of recrimination and regret.
    “Doesn’t matter.” He pointedly returned his eyes to his reading and listened for her departure. In vain.
    “Steve?” Incredibly, she hooked a finger over his magazine and pulled it aside. “Can’t we make this a good Christmas? It doesn’t last that long, you know.”
    Everything lasts too long with you.
    He bit back his reply, smiled weakly and nodded. She looked into his eyes a moment longer, driving him to the edge of his endurance, and returned to her kitchen.
    His watch made it a few minutes before noon.
    Bob and his brood will be here in an hour. A whole day of bellowing, demands for liquor, and tasteless jokes told at the top of his voice.
    Bob Bushnell was Adrienne’s brother. He and his wife Ruth were notoriously lax with their children. The previous year, Michael and Susanna had run pell-mell through his home from the hellish moment of their arrival to the blessed instant of their departure. Sumner had tried to halt them as gently as he could, which wasn’t very. His reward had been a screaming match with Ruth that had left his head ringing for the rest of the day.
    It isn’t bad enough that I have to put up with them and their mannerless spratlings. They’ll probably bring Scout again.
    He clenched his jaws at the thought. The previous year, the black Lab had left bruises all over Sumner’s shins with his whiplike tail. When Sumner had left off watching him to pursue the rampaging kids, Scout had ruined a priceless antique armoire by piddling on it. Sumner had never come that close to violence before.
    Anticipation of the trials to come pushed him out of his chair and toward the coat closet. He yanked his overcoat off its hanger, pulled it around himself with a savage jerk, and made for the door. Adrienne chose that moment to emerge from her kitchen again.
    She started to say something, took note of the coat, and stopped. He halted as well. For the first time that day, he looked at his wife and actually saw her.
    Adrienne was wearing the black sheath dress that flattered her so, the one she only wore under a blue moon. She’d accessorized it with a thin gold belt, a strand of pearls, and her black opera pumps. Her thick, shoulder-length black hair gleamed like a satin cascade around her face. At forty years of age, she was still a heart-stopping beauty. When she made the effort.
    Twice a year. Thanksgiving and Christmas, when her family comes for dinner. The rest of the time it’s sweat clothes and sneakers.
    It was the extra push he needed. He turned away from her and started out of the house.
    “Steve...?”
    “Later.”
    “Where are you going?”
    He didn’t turn. “To see a man about a dog.”
    “What?”
    He closed the door behind him without replying.

#

    The streets of Onteora were thinly traveled. Few cars passed him as he walked. A bare handful of pedestrians, collars and scarves pulled tight against the thickly falling snow, trudged past him through the five inches that had accumulated already.
    Sumner stalked down Grand Avenue, the city’s main boulevard. Shop windows that had glittered brightly at him, promoting the commercialized joys of the season for weeks past were shuttered and dim. Their proprietors were undoubtedly at home, enduring whatever agonies their own families allocated to the magic day.
    His anger-fueled pace took him swiftly through the city proper and into the dormitory suburb of Foxwood. Commercial buildings gave way to single-family homes on modest lots, each swaddled in a blanket of snow. The trickle of pedestrian traffic dwindled to nothing. As he walked, the spire of Our Lady Of The Pines, Onteora’s Roman Catholic Church, gradually came into view. It drew him forward like a beacon in darkness.
    Presently he stood before the tall oaken doors, glumly regarding the large sign at the entrance.

All The Joy Of The Most Joyous Of Days To You and Yours!
Christmas Day High Masses at 8, 9, 10, and 11AM
Christmas Evening Masses at 7, 8, and 9PM
Glory To The Newborn King!

    He’d married Adrienne in this church, fifteen years before. She’d insisted on a religious wedding. Though a lapsed Catholic who’d ceased to practice it upon graduating from high school, he’d made no protest. He’d walked in as a free man, walked out with a shackle on his arm, and had not returned.
    As if of its own accord, his hand reached out to grasp the antique wrought iron door pull. He realized what he was about to do and consciously jerked himself away.
    That was the beginning of a slow ride to hell. I should have put my foot down then and there and hauled her to a Justice Of The Peace.
    Snow from his collar slid down his back. The shock of the wet cold on his neck made him spasm and mutter an oath. He shook himself and slapped awkwardly at the icy lump, then turned back toward the church doors as if compelled.
    Why am I standing here? I’m not going in there.
    Struck by a sudden premonition of danger, he wheeled and ran down the church steps toward the gate. In his confusion, his muscles did not register the change in traction beneath his feet, and his hearing did not detect the burble of the pickup truck accelerating down the street.
    At the walkway’s edge, he lost all control of his motion. He found himself skidding helplessly into the street as the truck came rumbling past.
    In a panic, he cast himself backward, deliberately flopping onto his back on the walk. The back of his head struck the icy concrete with an unanticipated force, sending swirling blue worms through his world to steal away the day and deliver him into darkness.

#

    He awoke sitting in the rear pew of the church, his coat pulled tight around him, hands thrust deep into its pockets. The church was dark, except for a single candle that lit the tabernacle upon the altar. The dim sun of winter did not pierce the stained glass windows. It could well have been midnight.
    A male figure stood at the altar rail, facing toward the rear of the church. The man was dressed in ordinary street clothes. He wore no coat. His hands were clasped before him. His eyes were on Sumner’s face.
    “I haven’t seen you here in quite a while, Steve.”
    Sumner carefully hoisted himself erect and approached the other. His face seemed familiar, but Sumner could put no name to him.
    “I’m sorry, have we met?”
    The stranger’s face was unreadable.
    “Perhaps not. Not that I haven’t been waiting for it. But you’ve been more than a little reluctant to stop by the house.”
    Sumner blinked. “Are you the pastor? What happened to Father Schliemann?”
    Schliemann’s more of an institution than the church. If he’d died or retired, I’m sure I’d have heard of it.
    The man smiled. “No, I’m not the pastor. Let’s say I’m an interested observer. Very interested.”
    “Then—”
    “Later, perhaps. What brings you out today? Why aren’t you with your family?”
    Sumner’s confusion receded before the returning tide of his anger. “What family? Adrienne’s family? Sorry, Adrienne’s—”
    “Your wife. Yes, I know.” The man’s low, mellifluous voice dropped still further. “You took her to wife here, at this altar. Promised to love and cherish her, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death did you part.”
    Sumner stared. The stranger couldn’t be more than about thirty years old.
    Is he one of Adrienne’s cousins?
    “Forgive me, please. Were you there that day? I confess I can’t remember you.”
    The man’s face darkened. “Yes, I was there. I like weddings. I go to all of them. Every wedding holds infinite promise, even if what comes after isn’t always for the best.” He turned to gaze at the altar and the tabernacle upon it.
    “You and Adrienne had all the possibilities of any other newlyweds, Steve. All of life stretched before you. Your paths were yours to choose. But today you’re a bitter man, prematurely drained of life and isolated from all that might freshen your spirit. What happened?”
    The question, so directly put, staggered Sumner where he stood. He stumbled forward a pace and planted his hands on the rail to steady himself.
    “I don’t know. I... we just lost it, somehow. We—”
    The man looked sideways at him, knowing and monitory.
    “‘We,’ Steve? Adrienne’s still trying. She weeps sometimes, when you’re not around to see it. She tells me over and over how much she loves you. It hasn’t been easy for her, she’s gotten just about none of the things she hoped for from marriage, but she’s still trying to rescue you. What have you been doing?” He faced Sumner squarely. “Are you even trying to love her back?”
    Sumner stood aghast, mouth hanging open. The man nodded.
    “Yes, I knew. I don’t miss that sort of thing.” He turned back toward the tabernacle. His face seemed to glow in the steadily deepening darkness.
    “I don’t like to take a direct hand in these domestic matters. I prefer to leave that sort of thing to my mother. But every now and then, someone who has absolutely no excuse catches my eye, and I do this. They say a word to the wise is sufficient, Steve. Got the idea?”
    Sumner fought down his shivers and found his voice. “What do you want me to do?”
    The stranger cocked an eyebrow. “What do you want to do?”
    “Is... is it up to me?”
    The man nodded. “It always has been. Each man is the master in his own house, from the day he takes his life into his own hands until the day he dies. What do you want from your marriage, Steve?”
    “Love. Companionship. Support. Children... once.”
    The stranger cocked an eyebrow. “Children? It seems to me you did your best to defeat that particular goal of matrimony.”
    Sumner said nothing.
    “Well, it isn’t too late. But for the rest of it, what do you propose to do to get what you and I would both love for you to have?”
    “Uh...”
    “How about providing a few of the things you said you wanted to Adrienne? Wouldn’t that be a start?”
    It was more than a disinterested suggestion.
    “Yes, it would.”
    The man nodded. “Those things come more readily if you learn how to forget yourself a little, now and then. This is one of the places where that’s easiest to do.”
    “Sundays?”
    “Sundays, yes, but the other days are good, too.” The glowing face was overcome by longing. “I’ve missed you, Steve. I hate to see anyone in pain. There’s relief from that here, if you open yourself to it. The doors are never locked.”
    Sumner tore his eyes from the luminous visage and let them roam the church. The pews and font, statues and sacred images were reminders of his youth, gentle prods to memories of a time when little had seemed impossible, when life had been lit with promise. Even in the darkness, now nearly complete, it was a supremely welcoming place.
    “I’ll be back.”
    The man nodded. “I’m glad to hear it.”
    “Will I... will I see you again?”
    The glowing face was touched with a wry humor, knowledge of unnameable secrets blended with an impish delight in the twistings of time and chance.
    “That depends. Now go home and be the master in your own house. Gently, but firmly. As I am in mine.”
    Sumner was seized by vertigo. He staggered back, lowered his head and fell to his knees.
    The church whirled and became formless.

#

    “Mister?”
    “Huh?” Sumner struggled up from the murky depths. He found himself on his back, on the rearmost pew of Our Lady Of The Pines. A short, slight figure loomed over him, hands gently chafing Sumner’s face: a young man about twenty years old, with a smooth, solemn face and piercing dark brown eyes. He noticed Sumner’s return to consciousness and gave a sigh of relief.
    “Thank God. I’ve been trying to wake you up for an hour. Are you okay?”
    “I think so.” Sumner heaved himself upright. As he did, he was visited by a spike of pain from the back of his head. He put his fingers to it and winced. At least there was no blood.
    “Did you haul me in here?”
    The young man nodded. “I was driving the truck.”
    Sumner looked him over. He looked to weigh about a hundred fifty pounds. “All by yourself?”
    “Well, yes.”
    “Never mind. What’s your name?”
    “Louis Redmond.”
    “Thank you, Louis. I’m sorry if I worried you. Could you do one other thing for me?”
    “Sure, what?”
    “Drive me home? I walked here from Chedwick. It’s only about three miles.”
    The young man grinned. “No problem. Come on, let’s go.”
    As Louis navigated the slippery roads through the city, Sumner asked him, “Am I taking you out of your way?”
    Louis shrugged. “It’s no big deal. I wanted to spend an hour in church, and I did.” He grinned. “I didn’t expect to spend it that way, but what the hell.”
    Sumner chuckled. “Well, it’s time for both of us to get back to our families.”
    Louis said nothing. From the corner of his eye, Sumner saw a delicate thread of tension run down the boy’s cheek. He knew at once that Louis had no family, that chance had reaved them from him, that he’d gone out into the snow that Christmas day for a reason exactly the reverse of the one that had launched Sumner from his home: to mourn.
    They pulled up before Sumner’s house in Chedwick moments later. Louis set the handbrake and turned toward Sumner.
    “Careful on the walk, okay? If you don’t pay attention, you can go really wrong really fast.”
    Sumner nodded. “I know.” He stuck out his hand. “Thank you, Louis. Merry Christmas.”
    Louis shook it. “You’re welcome, uh—”
    “Steve Sumner.”
    “You’re welcome, Steve, and all the joy of the day to you.”
    “And to you, Louis. Good-bye.”
    He strode up his own walk with new purpose. Every window of the stately Federal colonial, the chief prize of his twenty years’ labor at law, was bright. The Bushnells’ car was nestled behind his in the driveway. From the house came the light and sounds of an incipient party: seasonal music, laughter, and the multifarious jostlings of a family gathering.
    “My house,” he murmured. He let himself in and made for the kitchen, where Adrienne was holding court as she finished assembling her lasagna. Ruth was weakly cajoling her children about not making trouble. Bob was already flushed and sweating, complaining about his dry-goods business over the carols from the bookshelf stereo, waving a half-filled glass for punctuation.
    Sumner reached for the stereo and switched it off. The others fastened on him at once.
    “Yo, brother-in-law!” Bob said. “Got a few new ones for you. Heard the one about the blind mime and the nun?”
    Sumner fixed the half-drunken man with a determined look. “Bob, come this way a moment, would you please?”
    Bob’s forehead crinkled momentarily. He glanced at Adrienne for an explanation, shrugged and followed Sumner out to the living room, his wine glass dangling from his hand.
    “What’s up, bro?”
    “Bob,” Sumner said, “first, thank you for not bringing Scout. Second, I’ve decided we’re going to have a nice Christmas this year. And that means no shouting, no crass jokes about priests, nuns, or private parts, and no ugly stories about anyone in the family. Okay?”
    “What—”
    Sumner plucked the glass from his brother-in-law’s hand. “Third, you’ll be drinking coffee, tea, or soda for the rest of the day. You’ve obviously had enough alcohol already, and I don’t want you to get sloppy at dinner, the way you did last year.”
    “Steve!” It was half protest and half whine.
    “This is my house, Bob.” Sumner let the implications hang unspoken.
    Sobriety seeped back into Bob Bushnell’s features. He seemed to come to a belated recognition of his surroundings.
    “All right. Ruth made a comment about it before we left our place. Peace?”
    Sumner grinned. “Peace. Merry Christmas, Bob. Let’s rejoin the ladies.”
    Adrienne and Ruth were seated close together, talking in low, anxious tones. They stood as the men reentered the kitchen.
    “Is everything all right, Steve?” Adrienne’s hands were balled tightly, white at the knuckles.
    “Just fine, sweetie. When do you expect to serve dinner?”
    “About three.”
    “Good. Then we can make the seven o’clock Mass at Our Lady Of The Pines.” The children immediately began to shout their disapproval. Sumner glared at them, and they subsided sulkily. “Ruth, do you think you can get Michael and Susanna to behave for that long, or shall I have Michelle Stevens come over to babysit them while we enjoy our day?”
    The momentary silence was a thing of crystalline perfection.
    “You haven’t been to Mass in years,” Adrienne said. “Why—”
    “I was invited. Of course, I could go alone.” He peered at his wife from under his brows.
    “No, I’ll come. Ruth? Bob?”
    The Bushnells exchanged puzzled glances. Their children’s eyes were wide. “Dressed as we are?” Ruth said.
    Sumner smiled and nodded. “It’s not a problem for the management.” He moved up to Adrienne and took her hands in his own.
    “I love you, sweetie,” he murmured. “You look wonderful tonight. Thank you for everything.”
    “I love you too,” she whispered, barely audible.
    It was a start.

==<O>==

(Available for free, in all ebook formats, at Smashwords.com.)