If You Really Want To Promote The Institution Of Marriage...

...please, please, please: Don't do it this way:

"Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence: a life sentence." -- Father Lennard Sabio, at Mass this morning.

Perhaps that was a hint about why he opted for the priesthood. Of course, there are a number of equally dubious ways to "promote" marriage. Have a few from assorted unknown sources:

"A man is not complete until he's married. Then, he's finished."
"If a man makes a statement when his wife isn't around to hear it, is he still wrong?"
"They say married men live longer. Maybe it just seems longer."
"I married Miss Right. I didn't know her first name is Always."
"Women are a dime a dozen. It's when you cut the number down to one that it starts costing."
"Marriage is a wonderful institution...but I don't want to live in an institution!"
"The Law of Conservation of Romantic Bliss: Her sweetness before the wedding minus her acidity afterward == zero."

Here are some from commentators perhaps better known than I:

"A second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience." -- Samuel Johnson
"Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another." -- H.L. Mencken
"A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong." -- Milton Berle
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage." -- James Holt McGavran
"When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her." -- Sacha Guitry
"By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher." -- Socrates
“Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.” -- Alexandre Dumas
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays." -- Henry Youngman
"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't." -- Patrick Murray
"My husband and I have never considered divorce...murder sometimes, but never divorce." -- Dr. Joyce Brothers
"To keep your marriage brimming / With love in the loving cup / Whenever you're wrong, admit it. / Whenever you're right, shut up." -- Ogden Nash

Of course, not all the great observations about marriage have been made by married men:

"The next time I feel like getting married, I'll just find some woman I can't stand and give her a house." -- Dan Greenburg

And finally, one for the ladies:

"I have a dog that growls, a parrot that swears, a chimney that smokes, and a cat that stays out all night. Why would I need a husband?"

(What's that you say? No, Beth and I get along very well...mostly. Why do you ask?)