The Y-Chromosome Stigmata

     I no longer remember how I found this article:

     It Sucks To Be A Man: 66 Guys Explain Why

     ...but reading the comments the “66 guys” submitted often had me at the verge of tears. They struck such a chord with me that I found myself wishing I could contact the contributors and, as a gesture from a fellow sufferer, buy each of them his drink of choice.

     But I can’t. So I’m writing about the experience instead.

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     The first thought I had upon delving into these plaints was that very few men are willing to express such sentiments to anyone other than the closest of their male friends. We certainly can’t say anything like:

     “The world does not care about men the same way it cares about women.” (“sud0code”)

     Or:

     “You have to cry in secret.” (“Cryoptic2”)

     ...where women or unknown men might hear us. The storm of reflexive denunciation would register on seismographs around he world.

     We’re supposed to be tough, you see. We’re expected to “suck it up,” to “soldier on” and keep going. Cui bono? Answer that one for yourself.

     Maybe it simply must be that way. Maybe the race would die out if the non-childbearing sex didn’t automatically shoulder the hardships, the physical exertion, the weariness and the wounds. That doesn’t mean we don’t hurt or get weary.

     There’s a limit to what a man can endure. Appreciation helps to extend that limit. The complaints, contempt, and denigration we get from the entitled, pampered, protected sex – you know who I have in mind, don’t you, ladies? – tempts us to shrug, drop our burdens, and walk away. But those of us who do shrug, etc., come in for even more odium...some of which is redistributed onto other men who are still gamely trying to meet the expectations of their parents, their spouses, their children, their communities, and society in general.

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     Every man has not just limits but limitations: a sphere within which he’s competent, and outside which he isn’t. Heinlein’s fatuous pronouncement aside – and remember, Gentle Reader: I admire Heinlein – it’s not possible for any man to become competent at more than a tiny fraction of the extraordinary volume of accumulated human knowledge and technique. Some of us can “fake it” somewhat outside our genuine competences. Beyond that, we must hire others who know how to do what we don’t. Specialization is mandatory for the man who seeks to become valued and well compensated for some skill – whatever it may be.

     So we tend to put off dealing with problems we know ourselves incompetent to fix. If the services of a specialist would be costly, we tend to put that off, too. Rather than acknowledge our honesty in admitting to our limitations – Clint Eastwood, where are you when we need you? — we tend to get razzed, whether gently or cruelly, by the Other Half.

     “You can’t have problems. It’s a weakness…and if you are weak, you are good as dead. You are only allowed to have solutions. If you ask for help, you’re a ‘pussy.’”

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     Men are isolated by a number of mechanisms, expectations, and myths:

     “As a high school student, the worst part of being a man is the treatment of male students. I once had an old female teacher that spread each boy apart, but let all the girls sit together wherever they wanted.” (“smartypants-mcgoo”)

     “Men don’t get touched. Platonic physical intimacy is important and men generally don’t get it from others. We’re taught not to from a young age because it’s socially inappropriate.” (Gnarwaughl)

     “Men aren’t ‘allowed’ to share their feelings and consequently have a much higher suicide rate.” (“HitchikersPie”)

     This condition of atomization means that we have little or no support system to call on when trouble comes along. Combined with the prevailing assumption that in any conflict with a woman, he’s wrong and probably deserves punishment:

     “If there’s a ‘he said, she said’ situation, people will generally assume we’re guilty, even if it makes no sense.”

     “If I don’t agree with [a woman], I am called either sexist or racist. If I try to argue that I am not, that makes me more guilty.”

     “Not being allowed to fight back if a woman hits you. Also, if she hit you, you probably deserved it.” (Kaalcite)

     ...and the pressure to isolate oneself, simply for safety’s sake, becomes difficult to resist. In this we see a great part of the reason for the “men going their own way” phenomenon that’s recently become visible. Ironically, communities of such men are forming, and finding that many of the problems they experienced in “normal” society are completely absent.

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     “How it is okay, even fashionable, to mock or trivialize men as being untrustworthy or evil.” (vzen)

     Men – not “humans” of both sexes, but men — built this entire civilization. We shed quite a lot of blood, sweat, and tears to do so. Our principal motivation was to provide a safe, clean, comfortable life to our women and children. Yet we’re always the “oppressors,” the “bad guys.” We’re vilified for our “patriarchalism,” when without that patriarchal authority and the matching responsibility, women would be cowering in caves.

     One of the things that makes me resent contemporary trends in speculative fiction is the insistence by the barons of the publishing industry that the heroine be female and the villain be male. Yet real-life female heroines are close to unknown. The individual willing to put his wealth, health, or life on the line for others is nearly always male. You wouldn’t know it from the ravings of the militant feminists.

     And of course, in any difference of opinion with a woman, regardless of the subject or the context, we’re always “wrong.”

     See The Red Pill. Especially if you lack that precious, terribly battered Y-chromosome and have wondered at the wounds accumulating on those who carry it. Then think about the transgender phenomenon, especially this aspect thereof: more than 90% of transgenders are biological men who want to live and be treated as women.

     Please.