Wednesday, January 17, 2018

A Rebuttal

     I have my hot buttons, the same as anyone. The C.S.O. would tell you. Indeed, should you come within range it would be impossible to keep her from telling you, but that’s another story.

     One of my triggers, which is being pulled with increasing frequency, is receiving an email from an indie fiction writer about an Amazon review I’ve written, the point of which is to request a review of the sender’s novel. I got another one just this morning.

     There are two equally enraging things about such requests:

  1. The citation of my review praises it for qualities it doesn’t possess;
  2. The sender has never read or reviewed any of my books.

     Now, to get my email address from Amazon, one must read my Amazon profile. Inasmuch as my Amazon profile reads as follows:

Novelist & Commentator | Mount Sinai, NY United States
Male, retired software engineer, born 1952. Extensive side interests in economics, politics, moral theory, religion, music, and other areas. I also write, mostly science fiction and modern inspirational fantasy.

     ...no one has any excuse for not knowing that I’m a novelist.

     But wait: there’s more! In nearly every case, the book the sender wants me to read and review already has more reviews than any of my books. You would think that even a pinhead would make the necessary inference. You would think that before asking me to review his novel, he would read and review one of mine. It’s never happened. Indeed, when I suggested to one such requestor that she read and review one of my books in exchange for the review she wanted, she wrote back to castigate me for suggesting something so “insincere.” Draw your own conclusions.

     I’ve been sorely tempted to react to such requests by leaving a wholly disparaging, one-star review of the suggested book. I’ve withstood that temptation so far. As for the future, we’ll know when it gets here.

     As I wrote just yesterday, I try not to write merely to vent. This makes two consecutive tests of my self-control that have overcome it. To anyone who thinks this is funny, a warning: There had better not be a third.

     Forgive me, Gentle Reader. Perhaps I’ll be back later with something more substantial and less angry. By the way, I've just updated my Amazon profile. It now reads:

First and foremost: I DO NOT REVIEW ON REQUEST, so don't pester me. I write mostly science fiction and modern inspirational fantasy. Extensive side interests in economics, politics, moral theory, religion, music, and other areas.

     Perhaps the nuisance will now abate.

3 comments:

scttmtclf said...

Knowing human nature, I can assure you that the nuisance shall continue unabated. No matter how explicitly instructions are written, most people will be unable to comprehend them, and instead proceed to ask questions anyway; questions already explicityly answered in the instructions. I am sorry that you must endure this, but I am grateful to be able to read your words daily. Maybe your new life phrase could be "Non futuis mecum?"

Pascal Fervor said...

Oh no. Now they'll troll you just for spite. It's what trolls do.

Now the problem with your suggestion of the nasty review is that they'll return the favor with all their SJW friends chiming in.

OTOH, you may get a chance that way to test the aphorism that the only thing worse than bad publicity is no publicity. IOW, venting your spleen may have not simply negative consequences and it will also be what the idiot troll deserves.

FredLewers said...

There’s a reason God made breathing a reflex... And there’s always a knucklehead around to prove it should you forget.