Saturday, July 18, 2015

Quickies: Useful Stock Explanations

     Isn’t it something how We the Normal and Rational are forever straining to explain some total bizarritude in the world around us? The Internet provides lots of ‘em, and the saner people are forever asking “Why? Why?”

     It’s puzzled me for half of forever, including the times when I was a participant. Hey, if the guys who did it don’t feel a need to explain, why should any of us? Yet we must acknowledge the phenomenon. More, it’s created a demand for a fund of stock explanations for the inexplicable that no one has yet addressed.

     No one, that is, until now!

     Please consider the following stock explanations available for all suitable occasions...and please try not to do stuff that requires one of them.

  1. It’s about money.
  2. It’s about ego.
  3. It’s about both.
  4. He’s deranged from too much Internet porn.
  5. She was sexually abused as a child.
  6. Their parents were drug addicts.
  7. It was the result of an unwise decision to contract it out.
  8. Interns!
  9. They tired of living lives of unrelieved charity and humility.
  10. There are too many vampire, werewolf, and zombie novels already.
  11. What else would you expect during this phase of the moon?
  12. Blame it on V. C. Andrews. No one knows who that really is.

     You’re welcome.

1 comment:

  1. You forgot the "Twinkie Defense". That's my personal favorite.

    ReplyDelete

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