[To be sung to the tune of the “Battle Hymn of the Republic”]
Oh, I long for cheery stories
That would elevate my soul,
If they'd give me optimism
I would run it up the pole,
I have had my fill of tragedy
And "fate" without control,
And I declare it shit!Refrain:
Glory, glory hallelujah!
No more existential hoo-hah,
Give me something not so blue, hah!
I've had my fill of this!All these characters are clueless
And their whines are without blush,
Their spines are free of fiber,
And their brains are filled with mush,
Old John Wayne would cock one eyebrow,
Then he'd kick 'em in the tush,
And tell them "Get a life!"RefrainPlots should have a few events in them
Beyond an angst attack,
Motivation needs desires,
And a goal that you can track,
Give us more than guilt and ennui
And boredom in the sack,
A hero marches on!RefrainIf your stories aren't focused
And you have nothing to say,
All your prose will be "word salad,"
That denies the light of day,
Get yourself some brighter visions,
Try again without delay,
'Cause writing ain't for wimps!Refrain(Copyright (C) 2002 by Francis W. Porretto)
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