Sunday, January 4, 2015


FWP: I’ve just come up with a guaranteed formula for winning on Chopped! [A cooking competition on the Food Network]
CSO: Oh? How?

FWP: You have to invent dishes no one has ever heard of before, because they don’t really exist. That way, the judges won’t have the faintest idea how to evaluate them, but their vanity will cause them to posture as if they do, and praise them to the skies for fear of being found out.
CSO: How would you get away with that?

FWP: Describe your creations with deceptive terms...maybe terms from some other field entirely. Here we go: “Judges, for tonight’s entree I’ve made Carbuncled Pork with Infarcted Broccoli in a light Angina Sauce. It’s a traditional dish from the Carpathian foothills. Enjoy!”
CSO: C’mon, they’d never buy it. Too many doctor shows on TV.

FWP: But wouldn’t you love to see it tried?
CSO: Well, yeah.

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