Wednesday, April 19, 2017


The following exchange took place outside a warehouse store. I can identify only one of the participants: myself. (Full disclosure: I faked a heavy Italian accent throughout.)

SHE: Excuse me, sir, are you an American citizen?
FWP: Si, si! Since before last year.

SHE: Did you vote for Trump?
FWP: E bene, I did. He build grande edifici! Bellissimo!

SHE: Would you call yourself a racist?
FWP: Mi scusi? Is a word I don’t know. What means?

SHE: A racist is someone who thinks his race is better than others.
FWP: Ah, si. Better in all the ways?

SHE: Well, not necessarily all ways. But the ways that matter.
FWP: Oh, so he thinks his race is better at the important things. But people, they disagree about what’s molto importante, no?

SHE: Well, yes, I suppose, but—
FWP: But let’s say there’s these three guys behind a...a tenda spessa, a curtain, and you have to assign each of them to one of three jobs. The first job is running a little shop. The second job is raising a family of sei bambini, six little children. The third job is playing the pro basketball. How do you assign the guys to the jobs?

SHE: Unless you were to tell me more about these guys, I’d have to do it randomly,.
FWP: Bene, bene. The first guy, he’s white. The second guy, he’s Asian. The third guy, he’s black. Now go.

SHE: What? I need to know more than that!
FWP: Mi dispiace, is all I know. So, what assignments, then?

SHE: Well, I suppose I’d have the white guy run the shop, the Asian guy raise the kids, and the black guy play basketball.
FWP: Molto bene, so would I. But why?

SHE: Because...uh...
FWP: Thank you for teaching me this fascinating word, this racist. Ciao!


brinster said...

After the treatment you gave her Francis, she probably couldn't find her way home.

scttmtclf said...

Brain bleed!

Dystopic said...

This is the most amusing thing I've read all morning. Bravo!

Anonymous said...

That is too funny! The 'recent immigrant' bit must have really added to her cognitive dissonance.

Linda Fox said...

You are a very cruel man.

GreenEyedJinn said...

Bravissimo, Signore'! E' giusto!