(A few words of preparation: While watching the Rangers / Flyers game today, at one point a second puck appeared on the ice. It stopped play. No one knew where it came from. As it had no logo on it, it couldn’t be an “official” game puck an official had dropped by mistake. This gave rise here at the Fortress of Crankitude to speculation about whether a fan might have tossed it onto the ice.
Then we sat down to watch the Chiefs / Patriots football game...)
CSO: Wouldn’t it be something if fans were to throw extra flags onto the field?
FWP: Hm?CSO: You know, like that extra puck during the hockey game. Imagine if someone were to throw a yellow flag during a play and the officials didn’t know where it came from?
FWP: Wow. The possibilities! How about two flags?CSO: Why stop there? “Hey! What’s this purple flag with the green stripe mean?”
FWP: Now you’re cookin’! Or what about a checkered flag! Would that mean the game is over?CSO: Want to go to a game and try it out?
FWP: Maybe next season.
(If the CSO were to play Dungeons & Dragons, she would most definitely be “Chaotic Amoral.”)
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Aural Interpretations of Felis Catus in Quantifiable Non-Hueristic Analyses: An Objective Study Without Recourse to Historical Biases.
OVERVIEW: While male-dominated cultures have demonstrably asserted their sexist and culturally patriarchal personas via hieroglyphics, the various early written form of language and the historical record, there remains a hitherto unexplored subtext of male - and indeed, possibly white, which is to say, Caucasian or possibly Anglo-Saxon - influence - and some might argue undue influence - on certain alternate planetary species with whom we share this environment.
Consider the species with which we share this world. Men say, "Here, Boy!" to their dogs. They say, "That's a good girl!" to any "pet" they deem diminutive in their hierarchical - patriarchal - worldview.
This paper examines the historical concepts of male patronization and subjugation of women, species, and the natural world in general, with reference to white male historical, ingrained biases and prejudices.
METHODOLOGY: The vocally-expressed convocations to a cat provide a real-world, non-anthropomorphic simulation of cross-species dialogue.
Several observations were conducted in real time, with various male and female human subjects supplicating numerous and diverse members of the species, Felis Catus.
The replicated procedure was to pronounce, in an authoritative voice, "Here, kitty, kitty." Results were then observed and codified.
CLINICAL OBSERVATIONS: Cats don't seem to give a fuck.
CONCLUSION: Further observation is necessary. Money should be made available for this important research, as the possible dichotomy of observed phenomena versus well-documented cultural norms could prove distressing to those members of society who have hitherto embraced the science of the established facts.
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