Thursday, October 3, 2019

A Possible Deterrent

     For some years now, the mat at the Fortress’s front door has been a rough-looking thing woven of sisal fiber that’s emblazoned with the words:

GO AWAY

     It’s not that we’re inhospitable, mind you. It’s just that there are two public schools across the street, we live less than a mile from a Kingdom Hall of the Jehovah’s Witnesses, four very active charities routinely canvass our neighborhood, the county Democrat and Republican organizations sweep through trolling for volunteers every few weeks, and the local fire department stops by roughly once a quarter to ask for donations as well. Then there’s my parish, which always seems to need me for something. It can get tiresome.

     But the doormat has exhibited steadily diminishing force these past few years. I’ve been thinking about adding something to the mix, preferably something less threatening than a sign that says “Mind The Claymores” and that requires less maintenance than a chained tiger. So I’ve been contemplating a big sign affixed to the door that says:

We Gave At The Office
We Know Who We’re Voting For
And We’ve Already Found Jesus

     What do you think, Gentle Reader? Would it dishearten the door-to-door types sufficiently to win us some peace, or would they be more likely to take it as a challenge?

11 comments:

Tracy Coyle said...

I personally like the "We charge $20/minute to listen to you, by knocking you agree to this charge, payable in advance."

MrGarabaldi said...

"Come back with a warrant"

Might be antisocial enough...

Sam L. said...

Whatever you're selling, WE DON'T WANT ANY.

pc-not said...

Our little subdivision is not gated, but has a single entrance with a brick wall abutting each side of the roadway. There are ten inch letters on the wall designating the name of our community. Not far from there, in plain site, is a sign stating clearly that no soliciting is allowed as well as no unauthorized fishing or swimming in our lake. Makes little difference as far as I can tell. The Jehovies still come every few months and beer cans litter the side of the road where strangers have been fishing.

NITZAKHON said...

About the only people coming to our very out-of-the-way neighborhood are Jehovah's witnesses, Mormons, and occasionally people from the local Baptist church.

I open the door, point to our very prominent mezuzah, and say "Thanks, but we're spoken for". Never had an issue.

Jim Horn said...

When folks of other faiths came to preach at my parents' home, my mother would happily invite them in to join us in the family Rosary for her children in the military. They never did, nor did they return.

David Drake said...

^^@ Jim, your method is a very good one!

glasslass said...

My great great grandmother immigrated from Germany in 1852 as a Jewish girl who family had to convert to Catholicism if they wanted to live. So growing up knowing we were kinda Jewish but practiced Catholicism. This has come in real handing when the Jehovah and Mormons show up, I just say I'm a Jewish Catholic. They run off the porch like I have a disease and never come back.

Scott said...

"Salesmen, petitioners, beggers take note,
we won't join your church, don't ask for our vote.
Knock all you want, still you'll stand here alone,
for if we don't know you, we'll pretend we're not home!"

Ragin' Dave said...

The Ragin' Mrs. put a sign on the door that states "NO SOLICITING. We're running out of places to hide the bodies."

It seems to have worked so far.

terrapod said...

I actually have that sign lithographed on tin plate, ready for installation.
Wife refuses to let me put it on the front door.
That said, the 1st and 5th line is missing in your post, which is:

"GO AWAY"

"Unless you are bringing beer"