Saturday, January 11, 2014


To promote the general welfare and secure the blessings of irritation-free tranquility to our Gentle Readers, your host has endeavored to certify that until absolutely unimpeachable developments should militate to the contrary, all posts at Liberty's Torch shall be 100% Chris Christie and George Washington Bridge Free.

No, no, don't applaud. Just throw money. I'll accept it.

1. Conversations

We recently had a rather bland Chinese take-out dinner, the greater part of which has languished in our refrigerator these past few days. So:

FWP: Sweetie, what can we do to salvage the Chinese food?
CSO: I'll put some teriyaki sauce on it.

FWP: Oh no! You can't do that!
CSO: Why not?

FWP: Sweetie, teriyaki is a Japanese condiment! You can't put that on Chinese food!
CSO: But why not?

FWP: It would be a war crime!
CSO: Oh. Right. Well, I do have some hoisin sauce.

FWP: Better.

2. Police Misconduct

There's plenty of it. Some of it is unimaginably violent, which has got quite a lot of us thinking very dark thoughts. But now and then it displays a childishly silly aspect:

Two whose Mercedes as taken for a joyride by cops after they were arrested have caught a huge break in court — thanks to the “shop and frisk” scandal.

A judge will toss evidence in the grand-larceny case against Rashad Lewis and Gregg Humphreys, after ruling police had no right to pull them over in the first place just because they were spotted leaving Barneys with armloads of shopping bags....

In a bizarre twist, two detectives took the Mercedes they were found in for a joy ride.

Records also show police vouchered Lewis’ Mercedes-Benz in “good” condition around the same time on the same night.

If making use of temporarily confiscated cars for pleasure jaunts is considered a "perk" of membership in the Blue Plague, I'd say it ought to be more widely publicized.

3. "Going Galt," After A Fashion

Tyler Durden of ZeroHedge presents a pair of illuminating charts:

Now, this is unfortunate for the obvious reasons, but it also stimulates thought about one of the inherent vulnerabilities of left-wing pseudo-economics: it erodes the tax base, thereby impoverishing the State. The federal government can, of course, "create money" sufficient to cover its deficits, but the consequences of such deliberate currency degradation cannot be long forestalled. No quantity of fiat dollars can paper over the steady erosion of the national economy.

I would never "root" for economic deterioration...but this is one of the things that topples regimes. It destroyed the French post-Revolutionary government and brought Napoleon to power. It fatally destabilized Germany's Weimar Republic. It helped to end Chiang Kai-shek's Nationalist government over China. It ejected Juan Peron's fascist regime from power over Argentina. It was critical to the displacement of the Allende regime over Chile by that of Augusto Pinochet. And sufficiently prolonged, it could bring a similar revolution to these United States.

4. Income Inequality And A Fabulous Pun

The Obamunist pivot to "income inequality" as its rallying cry -- hey, anything's more palatable to the regime than further discussion of ObamaCare, right? -- has already elicited some hollow-laugh rejoinders. The in-your-face opulence of the Obamas' lifestyle as First Couple has been roasted at too many sites to mention. (170 rounds of golf in only five years? There are PGA tour members who don't play that often!) But the very best thing to come out of the flap so far is this admirably concise squib from Doug Ross, highlighted by a terrific pun-moniker for The Won:

  • Obama's $4 million Hawaii vacation.
  • Michelle's $500k Hawaii extension.
  • The multi-million dollar vaycay-cays to Africa
  • The Spanish Riviera
  • Her brother in Oregon
  • Martha's Vineyard
  • Broadway plays, playa
  • Taxpayer-funded campaign trips on pretty much a weekly basis
  • $1,000-a-plate dinners with rich entertainment f***s.
  • Eight of the ten wealthiest counties in America surround D.C.

All on King Putt's watch.


5. First-World Problems

The Lonely Libertarian cites one that afflicts a growing number of...well, of some of us:

Snicker if you must, but this is an issue for women who carry concealed, especially an inner pants or waistband holster. I, my very own self, have clunked my Sig on the potty when lowering my jeans. It's awkward, and there are definitely things you DON'T want to do. Like removing it and setting it on the toilet paper holder or hanging it by the trigger guard on the hook on the back of the door (I know this has happened, not by me).

Well, I can see that this would be an issue in a public restroom. But at home? Why not simply mount a "complimentary convenience holster" on the wall next to the Porcelain Throne? Also, the lady doesn't think "us dudes" suffer the problem in equal measure:

You dudes have it easy, well unless you have to poop, and then you're in the same boat.

Uh, no, dear, we don't "have it easy" -- at least not those of us with certain "old men's problems." But the weaker sex has always entertained certain illusions about "us dudes," for example that our work outside the home is an infinitely fulfilling round of mystical illuminations and clandestine trysts with attractive co-workers that's infinitely preferable to sitting at home eating bon-bons and redoing our nails while Sally Jessy or one of her inheritors babbles from the Idiot Box.

6. Disallowed By Liberty's Torch Policy

I'm terribly sorry, Gentle Reader. I really really wanted to cite this roundup of under-reported scandals of the Obama Administration and other miscellaneous Democrats, but...well, I can't. You see, it leads off by mentioning He Who Has Already Received More Than Enough Coverage, and the river-spanning structure that's compelled every news organization in the Western Hemisphere to slather him all over its audience. So I just can't.

Endless apologies.

7. Humor Is Where You Find It

Via Ace of Spades, we have this collection of exceptional test answers. No, they're not correct...strictly speaking, anyway. But they're good for quite a lot of hearty laughs. Enjoy!

That's all for today, Gentle Reader. Now get out there and have a simply fabulous day. And remember: if you're one of the first hundred callers, we'll double your order! Pay only separate shipping and handling. Sorry, no C.O.D.s.

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