Sunday, January 20, 2013

Quickies: A New Energy Source?

Recently, the C.S.O. and I were chatting about the pseudo-energy crisis. I say pseudo without embarrassment. Earth is rich in energy resources, but the enviro-fascists, whose friends in the halls of power are very strong, are against any and every form of energy generation or accumulation:

  • The burning of fossil fuels emits "greenhouse gases!"
  • Nuclear power is unsafe!
  • Hydroelectric power corrupts riverine habitats!
  • Solar panels would destroy our fragile desert ecologies!
  • And putting billions of hamsters on treadmills would never get past PETA!

Put it all together and it spells "Mother Earth." At the expense of longsuffering Mankind, of course. But the maternophilic urges of the enviro-fascists are not to be denied. They'd much rather rape the rest of us.

That leaves only one possibility:

The hell with the hamsters;
Put the greenie-weenies to work!

It has the beauty and simplicity of a major breakthrough:

  • Enviro-weenies will pull our vehicles;
  • Enviro-weenies will walk on treadmills to generate electricity;
  • Enviro-weenies will exercise frantically to heat our homes in the winter!

(No, I haven't worked out the air-conditioning side of things yet. Give me time.)

There's just one problem: we'd need a lot of them, and they'd have to be fed, clothed, and housed. Whoops, more than one problem: they're opposed to human reproduction, so the supply would dwindle faster than the overall need for their, ah, services. (Not to mention that breeding them would be kind of problematic, given the demand for all those treadmills and rickshaw pullers and such.)

Just how would we feed them, given that they want to ban the use of "green revolution" agrochemicals? And where would we house them, considering how many billions of them we'd need to power America alone?

This will clearly require a bit more thought.


pdwalker said...

Nah, either use them as fuel in high efficiency furnaces, or wait a little longer until I've put the finishing touches on my matter to energy conversion process.

FrankC said...

"the supply would dwindle faster than the overall need for their, ah, services."
So when they've un-bred themselves to extinction, fire up the coal burners and get back to civilisation.

Francis W. Porretto said...

pdwalker: But cleaning the furnaces would be a bitch!

FrankC: That would work. Might be the best of the possible outcomes, at that!

Mark Butterworth said...

Soylent Green is made of people! Green people!

Weetabix said...

Re: A/C - put them on a treadmill hooked up to a heat pump. You'll have to give them water, or they'll fall over in the heat.