Sunday, April 10, 2016

Quickies: Undesirable Attributes

     According to this piece, there are five specific attributes that brand a man as unsuitable for marriage in a woman’s eyes:

  1. Unreliability.
  2. A Poor Work Ethic.
  3. Selfishness.
  4. “Mixed Signals.”
  5. Poor Care of Oneself.

     Well, may God forbid that I quarrel with any of that...but in my six decades plus, I’ve encountered far more women who exhibit those attributes. Moreover, the great majority of them were married women, whose husbands were, in every case, solid citizens of good character. All of them were still on the sunny side of the sod.

     Accordingly I will ask: Does marriage to a suitable man – that is, one who demonstrates:

  1. Reliability;
  2. A Strong Work Ethic;
  3. Generosity;
  4. Clear Communications;
  5. and Proper Care of Himself

     ...bring about the development of the reverse characteristics by his bride? The public wants to know!

     “Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence...a life sentence.” – Fr. Lennard Sabio


Avraham said...

A husband an wife can both have all those admirable traits. I have seen this in my parents and in others. The problem today with marriages is unique to this period in time.

Seneca III said...

No, it doesn’t, Francis, and marriage does not bring about reverse characteristics, they already exist. And it is only a ‘life sentence’ if you choose to consider it so. I will tell you why from my own experience:

1. Unreliability. No, she was always reliable in so many ways. In time of our highs and lows, even when conflicted, even when we disagreed on this or that we could always come together to agree or disagree for the common good. Neither of us were wimps, but we figured out how manage things.

2. A Poor Work Ethic. No. we both worked our guts out to build a life and provide for ourselves and the kids, each in our own way according to our abilities.

3. Selfishness. None, but just sometimes both of us misunderstood what the collective priorities had to be, but we eventually worked out a compromise solution. Marriage is not easy and there are always lumps, but it will work if both of you are determined to level those lumps down to a manageable level even if you can’t eradicate them entirely.

4. “Mixed Signals.” Of course; both ways, that is the norm. Two different genders, two sets of gender priorities each hard wired into our DNA by evolution. We both had to learn the hard way how to read and analyse these ‘signals’ and find a way to deal with or ignore them.

5. Poor Care of Oneself. Never.

I speak of course of the life I shared with my beloved wife of forty years whom death took from me two years ago and thus left me only half of what we once were.