Saturday, July 22, 2017


     A little earlier today:

     FWP: You know, we’re down to the last two bottles of water.
     CSO: I know. I have a rebate coupon for Staples, so I’ll pick some up later. Can you think of anything else we need?
     FWP: From Staples? No.

     Just a few minutes ago:

     CSO: Sweetie! I’m back!
     FWP: Need help with anything?
     CSO: Would you bring the water in out of the van, please?
     FWP: Sure. (trudges off)

     When I got to the van, I saw not one but three large cases of bottles of Poland Spring’s finest: 108 bottles in all, massing to about 150 pounds. After I’d toted them all to our pantry, I confronted the C.S.O. afresh:

     FWP: Three cases?
     CSO: (defensively) Well, it was on sale.
     FWP: (with majestic mock-severity) I’ve told you, and told you, and TOLD you: NEVER GO WATER SHOPPING WHEN YOU’RE THIRSTY!
     CSO: (indecipherable, laughing much too hard)


Kye said...

Log on to They sell bottled water and deliver FREE. I use them to stock my wife's salon's in Philly and she buys ten 80 bottle cases (8 oz.) of Makers Mark at a time for $10.47. Plus, on your first three orders you'll get $15 off. Poland Springs is $3 for a 12 pack or $12.73 for a 28 case of 20 oz. bottles. And you don't have to lug them. Come on Francis, we're too old for that.

Francis W. Porretto said...

(Chuckle) Thank you, John. I've been resisting the notion that I'm getting old for about twenty years. However, it might be best to make a few concessions to Old Father Time. Beth keeps talking up my strength to friends of hers who need big, heavy items moved. I think I'll be putting a stop to that.

Kye said...

I'm by no means suggesting you are weak, sir. I am assuming that as a man of great intellect and leadership you would love to take advantage of all your options so you can concentrate on the important things. You are much too valuable at the keyboard to waste your time lugging water. Leave that to the Gunga Din's and other "beasties".

I find these things because I'm on a list for a bilateral lung transplant and lifting is out of the question. I try and delegate as much to the business world as possible. Besides my oxygen line is only 55 feet and carrying tanks is for going out.

Or maybe I'm just pure lazy?

Francis W. Porretto said...

Oh, no, no. I was just relating something a bit odd about my situation, John. I'm physically small, but I'm something of a freak: considerably stronger than someone my size and build should be, and that's "through no fault of my own!" So Beth likes to "hire me out" to her friends who need heavy lifting. I really must get her to stop, as my 65-year-old back is beginning to take exception to tasks we normally breed teenage sons to do!

As for your own situation, you have my sympathies and my prayers. Someone who uses bottled oxygen can, should, and must be as "lazy" as possible. All else is madness.