Friday, December 15, 2017

Some Unemployed Story Ideas For You

     Enough with politics and public policy for the moment. There are plenty of outlets that will oversupply you with those things. We here at Liberty’s Torch are about filling under-served needs. So today let’s address the yawning void at the core of far too many would-be writers: lack of “an idea.”

     Herewith, a few ideas which, to the best of my knowledge, no one has used yet. There’s a reason for that, of course. If you succeed in making use of any of them, I’d be happy to host your story – under your byline, of course – here at Liberty’s Torch.

1. The Beauty Industry Grinds To A Halt!

     It is 2050, and all the “old” cosmetics are gone at last. Foundation, blusher, mascara, eye liner, lipstick – all are now permanent only, and can only be removed by the use of a specially formulated cleansing agent. At first women were delighted, for they no longer had to fret about anything “running” or “smearing.” But then there was some fretting after all, for mistakes in application do happen, and the cleansing agent is not without cost.

     But wait...what’s this? A devastating terrorist strike against the makers of the cleansing agent? Does anyone else know how to make the stuff? If not, what will happen when the current supply is exhausted? Will women never again know the joy of putting on makeup – or of taking it off?

2. There Are Laws, After All.

     For the first time in human history, the Far Horizons had succeeded in exceeding the speed-of-light limit...but the jubilation of the crew was short-lived, for almost at once the mighty vessel was wrenched out of temporal reality. Its crew found themselves in a mysterious chamber filled with the accoutrements of a courtroom. The faces in the jury box were veiled, indistinct. At the judge’s bench sat a being of great beauty that could only be an angel.

     What will the penalty be for violating God’s own speed limit? A period in Hell? Community service? Or perhaps just a few decades of the Rosary for all concerned?

3. “We Want To Be Alone!”

     Australia is gone. That’s right: the Land Down Under has vanished from...well, not from “the map,” as the maps show exactly what they always have. Rather, it’s vanished from the perception of aircraft, ships at sea, even from satellites in orbit over where it’s supposed to be.

     There’s more: Emigrants from the vanished island nation have started to appear at nearby ports. They have no idea what happened to them. One moment they were in Sydney, or Melbourne, or Perth; the next they were on this mysterious, robotically piloted ship with an unknown destination. They share a single common characteristic: None of them were Australian-born. All were recent immigrants to Australia.

     Attempt after attempt to reach the great island inexplicably fail. Radio hails are uniformly met with silence. Has Australia been captured by malevolent alien forces, to be used as a beachhead for the conquest of all of Earth? Or have the Aussies finally decided to tell the rest of the world “G’dae mate, and sod off!” -- ?

4. No One Must Ever Know.

     Marlowe plies the world’s most controversial trade: “biographical archeologist.” He specializes in unearthing shocking facts about famous historical figures. His books about the ones on whom he’s uncovered something surprising and unsavory have made him rich, internationally famous...and greatly disliked by those who venerate such figures, or hope to be remembered among them someday.

     But Marlowe’s latest discovery is one that could unsettle more than a billion people, perhaps to the point of mass violence: Mahatma Gandhi was fabulously wealthy, owing to his ownership of a chain of steakhouses. Could he bring himself to suppress that discovery in the name of the “greater good?” And if he reveals it, will powerful forces – perhaps the ones that strove to ruin him for revealing that Winston Churchill actually hated cigars – move against him at last?

5. The “Stepford Plague.”

     It started slowly. A termagant awoke one morning and found herself unable to insult her husband. Another found herself, against all her previous inclinations, being pleasant and accommodating toward her mate. Other wives of their acquaintance experienced similar transformations, despite fighting the new impulses with all their fury. Their husbands were initially wary, unable to believe the evidence of their senses. Yet there it was: their wives were treating them with respect and appreciation!

     The disease spread like wildfire...and a disease it was: a virus that spread from one infectee to the next through ordinary conversation. Practically overnight, millions of unhappy homes were transformed into temples of domestic tranquility where no harsh word ever passed between husband and wife. The War Between The Sexes was coming to an abrupt end, due to a biological agent that could not be countervailed and whose origin could not be determined!

     The divorce industry and the “family courts” teetered at the brink of calamity. Certainly something had to be done before this pillar of the American economy should crumble and fall – but what? And by whom?

     That’s enough for today, I think. Now all you aspiring writers: it’s time to get to work. Your excuses have expired. I want to see some fiction pronto, and the sillier the better!


jb said...

An effort.

You have the e-mail.


furball said...


Joseph said...


In case you don't know what Mastodon is... Mastodon is a decentralized social network. Leftists imagine that, since it's not controlled by a corporation, it is conservative free. As usual, they are wrong.

Francis W. Porretto said...

Well, Joe, as I'm a racist, a sexist, and an ardent practitioner of and apostle for discrimination of every sort, I don't think they'll have me.