Wednesday, March 23, 2016


     This one just took place.

     FWP: (answers phone) Hello?
     Miscellaneous Telephone Solicitor: Hello, Bruno?
     FWP: That’s Mr. Da Newf, if you please.
     MTS: Oh, sorry. May I have a moment of your time to tell you about [a worthy cause]?
     FWP: That would depend on its worthiness. Is it a charity?
     MTS: No, it’s research into [name of disease omitted in the name of fairness].
     FWP: Ah. I see. Is this research funded entirely by the contributions of persons such as myself?
     MTS: Yes, and—
     FWP: And are the researchers aware of that?
     MTS: Yes, and they’re very grate—
     FWP: Has their research resulted in any significant progress against this disease?
     MTS: Well, no, but—
     FWP: Has it occurred to you that the researchers are aware that, should they succeed in developing a cure, the funding for their efforts would immediately screech to a halt?
     MTS: You know, that hadn’t occurred to me, but—
     FWP: Your earnings as a telephone agent soliciting contributions to support this research would come to a halt as well, wouldn’t they?
     MTS: Well, yes.
     FWP: Have a nice day. (disconnects)

     I hope my Gentle Readers are under no illusions about my being a “nice person.”


Unclezip said...

No illusions at all. Sometimes, out of spite, I'll listen to their entire spiel and then ask "please wait while I hunt down my checkbook...".

Mark said...

1) Good person? Most definitely.

2) Nice? Not required for #1.

3) Amusing? Frequently requires suspension of #2.

As good as your response was, my nomination for best way to deal with telemarketers is:

0007 said...

I remember thinking this when the March of Dimes(to find a cure for polio, remember?) morphed into "finding a cure for birth defects". Like that is even possible...