Quickies: Happy Hallowe’en!

     The second most commercially important holiday in the calendar is upon us. Candy and costume sales have soared in anticipation. Fanciful decorations festoon homes and lawns. Costumed kiddies, some old enough to run for Congress, will soon flock to the streets in search of sugary baksheesh. And in many homes across the length and breadth of the land, a hefty fraction of that candy will be consumed by persons old enough to know better, as America’s dentists rub their hands together and cackle fiendishly.

     Ah, the joys of Hallowe’en! Our British cousins don’t celebrate it, you know. They prefer to commemorate the 1605 Gunpowder Plot. I have no idea what delicacies are distributed at their events.

     But back to the main subject. There will be candy. There will be costumes. There will be a lot of bluenosery over some of those costumes. There’ll be some agitation by members of certain religious sects against all of it. And there’ll be a fair amount of drunken debauchery at the parties later in the evening.

     Ah, to be young again! I’m not sure which of these things I miss most, the candy, the costumes, or the drunken debauchery. Heavy sigh. But to everything there is a season. And really, how much scarier can you get than by dressing all in black, wearing a balaclava, and sitting on your porch swing with a camo-decorated twelve-gauge shotgun across your knees?

     Using the same costume every year does reduce expenses. Though the C.S.O. has theorized that it might be connected to the extremely low turnout we get on Hallowe’en. I promised her I’d think about it after all the mini-Musketeers bars, Reese’s cups, and York patties are gone. Meanwhile, enjoy the holiday, and keep your wallets limbered up! Only 54 shopping days left till Christmas, don’t y’know.