Friday, May 29, 2020


     When you live in a household that has more animals than humans in it (four cats and two – soon to be three – dogs), certain problems arise that other households might never consider. One of them is keeping the beasts out of any food that’s been taken out of the refrigerator. For example, it’s proved hazardous simply to leave a frozen hunk of lasagna on the kitchen counter to defrost. Keiko, our Chow Chow / Black Labrador mix, capitalized on that error by jumping onto the counter, peeling back the noodles, eating all the ground beef and sliced sausages, and considerately leaving the rest for us. So we’ve taken to keeping such items in the oven or microwave – turned off, of course – until it’s time to cook them. The C.S.O., in a spate of whimsy, has taken to calling the oven and microwave the greater and lesser food safes, respectively.

     That gave rise to the following exchange when I briefly left a foil-wrapped item on the counter:

CSO: No! Fluffy can open the foil! Put it in a food safe!
FWP: Oops, right. The greater or the lesser?
CSO: Doesn’t matter. You know we can’t just leave it out.

     As I moved to comply, Beth spoke again, in a tone of deep reflection:

CSO: You know, given these safes (gazes thoughtfully at the oven and microwave), I can’t imagine why we need that giant steel thing.
FWP: Yeah, it practically screams “The stuff you want is inside me!”
CSO: It’s like marking a document Top Secret, isn’t it? “This is worth stealing!”
FWP: Think we should keep our gold and silver coins in the oven?
CSO: Well, a burglar would never think to look there.
FWP: I’ll get on it after we’ve showered.

     Yes, Gentle Reader. The conversation above took place in the Fortress’s kitchen, at 5:06 AM Eastern Daylight Savings Time this very morning. Really.

1 comment:

Michael Stone said...

Ooh, fabulous!
Put something explodey in my safe and hide my valuables in a bag of dog food in the kitchen cupboard!
No.. that wouldn't work. I'd then have my valuables hidden, briefly, inside the dogs...

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