Education Really Is A Lifelong Process

     I must say, as your Curmudgeon Emeritus and dictator verborum to the World Wide Web, I seldom encounter a pithy word or phrase I’ve never seen or heard before. However, the #MeToobin affair has been an illumination in imagery and metaphor. More specifically, it’s taught me a whole new range of phrases with which to speak of male self-abuse: i.e., manual masturbation.

     I knew a few of the more indirect references to the act:

• Shining the shaft;
• Spanking the monkey;
• Frisking John Thomas;
• Polishing the family jewels;
• Giving Wee Willie a workout.

     ...but I had no idea there were so many more!

     Here’s a contribution from Bookworm Room’s Wolf Howling:

     If you haven’t heard, Toobin was caught on a Zoom call in flagrante delicto . . . playing a solo on his organ. Yes, in a Zoom conference call with, among others, the staff of the New Yorker, Toobin was caught on cam with his joy stick out as he choked the chicken, beat the bishop, celebrated Palm Sunday, played a pick-up game of five-on-one, and burped the worm.

     When confronted about his actions on the call, Toobin said it was a failed attempt at a joke. “I was just trying to pull a fast one.” Later Toobin stated that he had misunderstood the purpose of the Zoom call. “What do ya’ mean, election simulation? Boy did I get mishear that one.”

     Not bad, eh? Have a few more from PJ Media’s Megan Fox:

     How does he expect us to believe he did not check this before deciding to whip out wee Willie? And worse, why is that a good excuse for flogging the dolphin during a work call? Do we need congressional intervention to tell us that being an Army of One on a Zoom call is the wrong thing to do? Do we need a new criminal code for 2020 specifying that hoisting your own petard while attending a conference call is offensive to others? It’s sad that humans can’t just self-police....

     And now Toobin wants the world to accept that he made a “mistake” and “accidentally” sexually harassed everyone in a Zoom call. That’s what we’re really talking about here. If MeToo has taught me anything it’s that consent matters and if a man exposes himself to anyone without their consent it’s akin to rape. Remember that Louis C.K. was dragged for engaging in this same activity on phone calls with women. So was Harvey Weinstein, who was reported to have sprinkled his house plant in plain view of witnesses.

     All very colorful. Are there any others? Perhaps we should take this opportunity to compile a definitive list. Add your favorites to the Comments.