Tuesday, November 17, 2020


     A lot of them have cropped up these past few years. We now have:

     ...and there may be more! But this is America, where supply rises to meet demand. Therefore, there must be a demand. So let’s have another: something in the spirit of the mighty Babylon Bee, though perhaps not so...slavishly devoted to actual news:

The Daily Exfoliator
Scraping the Flakes from the Face of the Nation

     After all, someone needs to report on the stuff the others won’t, though given the variety of dailies cited above, any stories that go unreported today are probably too absurd or too grotesque to touch. But I sense that there are a lot of them, so let’s have at ‘em!

     This new daily will have a lot of positions to be filled. Naturally, they will all come with a title: Editor.

  • Editor-In-Chief;
  • Chief Editor;
  • Executive Editor;
  • Executions Editor;
  • News Editor;
  • History Editor;
  • Fantasy, Horror, and Science Fiction Editor;
  • Propaganda Editor;
  • Guest Editor;
  • Intruder Editor;
  • Copy Editor;
  • Paste Editor;
  • Photography Editor;
  • Music Editor;
  • Smell, Touch, and Taste Editor;
  • Religious and Cultural Affairs Editor;
  • Atheism and Bad Taste Editor;
  • Advertising Editor;
  • Denunciations, Denigrations, and Disparagements Editor;
  • Calumnies, Slanders, and Libels Editor;
  • Corrections Editor;
  • Apologies Editor;
  • Punishments Editor;
  • Public Flagellations Editor;
  • Solitary Confinements Editor;
  • Commutations, Paroles, and Supervised Releases Editor;
  • Editor who fetches coffee and doughnuts for the other editors.

     Filling those positions should cover the immediate needs. Are there any aspiring journalists out there who might care to apply?

     Now to figure out what should go in our first edition...


boron said...

Sounds good. I wish you מַזָּל and look forward to enjoyable reading

Linda Fox said...

Can I have Executions Editor? Or, maybe, Calumnies, Lies and Slander Editor?
Either one sounds like loads of fun!

Gary Griffin said...

I am applying for execution editor.

Linda Fox said...

Gary, I'll fight you to the death for the job!
We can settle it - is the pen or the sword mightier?
Maybe I'll wait until I buy my crossbow, and take you out that way.

HoundOfDoom said...

If the 'Intruder Editor' spot is open, I'm interested.

What's the budget for plastic sheet?

Navvet55 said...

Is the "Punishments Editor" required to dress in leather/latex? (asking for a friend)

Francis W. Porretto said...

(chuckle) Well, if you've got the figure for it...